Marriages and partnerships

Hi Pixiefox

It isn't proven but she's a different person to the one I met. She was so funny, she was always happy and eager to do many activities, so I think it may be a chain of events and depression, but it's hard to say obviously as I am not qualified to diagnose.

In terms of working with females, I respect my partner enough to approve of working with someone if a female asks, or I will know not even to ask and tell them I can't work with them. On this instance I ran it by her, to which she was ok with then later backtracked and worried about more coming in. These two females are also friends and she knows them in that capacity also. I don't like to make her feel uneasy by not doing so if you get me. I am not sure the thinking back or difficulty to forget is an autistic thing because they are mostly hurtful things and less and less pleasant memories, as opposed to when we first met.

The counselling stop because there is only a certain number of allocated sessions for some reason. I think she'll need to go get re-referred but that's not a nice thing for anyone fighting depression I think.  I am really annoyed with that process.

Low self-esteem I would agree with in terms of jealousy. I am her first relationship so I am not sure what to think on that one. Perhaps it's an expectation thing? I didn't talk about the past much at the start because I wanted to close that door and be happy with her but obviously it has hurt her and I told her everything, which has then helped led to this situation, which I knew would probably happen as I couldn't understand why you'd want to know details of a previous relationship, of course that's hurtful? I wouldn't like to know myself. To be honest, I do listen to her and try to understand as well as reassure her :/ What do i then do with that?

When she see's my ex or any female she doesn't like for that matter, she gets angry, and thoughts of the past come back which lead to questions and bad dreams and therefore a bad mood for a few days. It's exhausting for me and her. I honestly have nothing to do with my ex since we broke up. I don't want anything to do with her, and if I was single now, I still wouldn't. I block off all communications and I haven't even seen or heard tell of her - apart from through my partner of course. When she see's my ex and I am not with her, I used to get defensive and try to emphasise - to be honest I didn't know what to do years ago because it was a very stressful thing for me. Nowadays, I just listen and try to help her focus on positives and us. This is annoying on it's own to me though because I would rather she focussed on us and stopped worrying about my ex.

I believe that for a relationship to work also. Unfortunately it is quite difficult and these things mean she doesn't trust me, she hurts me by not responding to I love you before I leave for example (which I always do no matter what the situation because I love her so much), but with this topic not dropping after 7 years, the blaming over silly issues (like the Nintendo before engagement thing which was irrelevant) etc., has taken it's toll. I am losing attactiveness to her due to her personality now and I am losing the ability to care as much too. I also have to focus on myself a bit more now too because her behaviour and these things are negatively effecting me and leading me to feel depressed at times. I just don't know what to do. I feel leaving her might let her have a happier life away from me, because I don't feel she'll be happy with me despite how much I try and how much I love her. I just want her to be happy and to forget about the past and the things that bother her and just be happy.

Thank you also recombiantsocks. I agree I don't feel it is happy or healthy no matter how much I try. The lack of trust and the blame is destroying the relationship. I want to help her get counselling again and I will be sure to not do nothing from now on thank you. I feel bad if I leave also as I want to help her be happy and to fight depression also.

Hi Pixiefox

It isn't proven but she's a different person to the one I met. She was so funny, she was always happy and eager to do many activities, so I think it may be a chain of events and depression, but it's hard to say obviously as I am not qualified to diagnose.

In terms of working with females, I respect my partner enough to approve of working with someone if a female asks, or I will know not even to ask and tell them I can't work with them. On this instance I ran it by her, to which she was ok with then later backtracked and worried about more coming in. These two females are also friends and she knows them in that capacity also. I don't like to make her feel uneasy by not doing so if you get me. I am not sure the thinking back or difficulty to forget is an autistic thing because they are mostly hurtful things and less and less pleasant memories, as opposed to when we first met.

The counselling stop because there is only a certain number of allocated sessions for some reason. I think she'll need to go get re-referred but that's not a nice thing for anyone fighting depression I think.  I am really annoyed with that process.

Low self-esteem I would agree with in terms of jealousy. I am her first relationship so I am not sure what to think on that one. Perhaps it's an expectation thing? I didn't talk about the past much at the start because I wanted to close that door and be happy with her but obviously it has hurt her and I told her everything, which has then helped led to this situation, which I knew would probably happen as I couldn't understand why you'd want to know details of a previous relationship, of course that's hurtful? I wouldn't like to know myself. To be honest, I do listen to her and try to understand as well as reassure her :/ What do i then do with that?

When she see's my ex or any female she doesn't like for that matter, she gets angry, and thoughts of the past come back which lead to questions and bad dreams and therefore a bad mood for a few days. It's exhausting for me and her. I honestly have nothing to do with my ex since we broke up. I don't want anything to do with her, and if I was single now, I still wouldn't. I block off all communications and I haven't even seen or heard tell of her - apart from through my partner of course. When she see's my ex and I am not with her, I used to get defensive and try to emphasise - to be honest I didn't know what to do years ago because it was a very stressful thing for me. Nowadays, I just listen and try to help her focus on positives and us. This is annoying on it's own to me though because I would rather she focussed on us and stopped worrying about my ex.

I believe that for a relationship to work also. Unfortunately it is quite difficult and these things mean she doesn't trust me, she hurts me by not responding to I love you before I leave for example (which I always do no matter what the situation because I love her so much), but with this topic not dropping after 7 years, the blaming over silly issues (like the Nintendo before engagement thing which was irrelevant) etc., has taken it's toll. I am losing attactiveness to her due to her personality now and I am losing the ability to care as much too. I also have to focus on myself a bit more now too because her behaviour and these things are negatively effecting me and leading me to feel depressed at times. I just don't know what to do. I feel leaving her might let her have a happier life away from me, because I don't feel she'll be happy with me despite how much I try and how much I love her. I just want her to be happy and to forget about the past and the things that bother her and just be happy.

Thank you also recombiantsocks. I agree I don't feel it is happy or healthy no matter how much I try. The lack of trust and the blame is destroying the relationship. I want to help her get counselling again and I will be sure to not do nothing from now on thank you. I feel bad if I leave also as I want to help her be happy and to fight depression also.