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Marriages and partnerships

Lotus

I'm aware that there are people on the autism spectrum who struggle to get dates or to find someone they connect with.

I'm married to another aspie, but we met through mutual friends when we were in our late teens, so neither of us had to try hard to find someone. 

So I wondered if people who are married or in partnerships would be prepared to share their experiences of how they met, whether their partner is also on the spectrum, and anything else they think might be useful to people wanting to find that special person to share their life with. 

I have quite a practical approach - I couldn't wait to be asked out, I might have lost patience, so I made the first move and suggested we see each other on a trial basis and it went from there. It's been the best thing that ever happened to me,  and I do like to hear about people getting together... I guess that despite despising "love story" novels and movies, I actually might be a bit of a romantic aspie??? 

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  • Former Member
    Former Member

    I agree with all that Banjo has written.

    Kitten has done a very good job in describing a lot of autistic behaviour but I think the fundamental problem is that you want to change hime. You want to rescue him and make him better perhaps? Autism is a very hard thing to understand and you will find it difficult or impossible to negotiate with him as you would an NT person. In fact, you will probably just drive him to distraction if you keepp trying to explain yourself. He will not be able to explain himself and will feel resentful as you grind him down with your very reasonable discussions. I would agree that taking turns is a good way to deal with issues where you can't agree. Make sure that the turns are fair and even handed and try and agree that each of you can veto something that the other really doesn't want to do. This way you get to do a fair share of the things you want but you don't force the other to do something that they really don't want to do.

    PS I hope you haven't used his real name or a nickname by which he could be identified - the forum takes a dim view of people being identified - you can edit your post to take his name out.

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  • Former Member
    Former Member

    I agree with all that Banjo has written.

    Kitten has done a very good job in describing a lot of autistic behaviour but I think the fundamental problem is that you want to change hime. You want to rescue him and make him better perhaps? Autism is a very hard thing to understand and you will find it difficult or impossible to negotiate with him as you would an NT person. In fact, you will probably just drive him to distraction if you keepp trying to explain yourself. He will not be able to explain himself and will feel resentful as you grind him down with your very reasonable discussions. I would agree that taking turns is a good way to deal with issues where you can't agree. Make sure that the turns are fair and even handed and try and agree that each of you can veto something that the other really doesn't want to do. This way you get to do a fair share of the things you want but you don't force the other to do something that they really don't want to do.

    PS I hope you haven't used his real name or a nickname by which he could be identified - the forum takes a dim view of people being identified - you can edit your post to take his name out.

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