• Replies 18 replies
  • Subscribers 79 subscribers
  • Views 3033 views
  • Users 0 members are here
Options
Related
Hints and tips
  • To quote someone's message, first select/highlight the relevant text, and then use the Quote button that appears
  • To "mention" someone, type @ followed by the start of the forum name, and choose from the list; that person will get a notification of being mentioned

Marriages and partnerships

Lotus

I'm aware that there are people on the autism spectrum who struggle to get dates or to find someone they connect with.

I'm married to another aspie, but we met through mutual friends when we were in our late teens, so neither of us had to try hard to find someone. 

So I wondered if people who are married or in partnerships would be prepared to share their experiences of how they met, whether their partner is also on the spectrum, and anything else they think might be useful to people wanting to find that special person to share their life with. 

I have quite a practical approach - I couldn't wait to be asked out, I might have lost patience, so I made the first move and suggested we see each other on a trial basis and it went from there. It's been the best thing that ever happened to me,  and I do like to hear about people getting together... I guess that despite despising "love story" novels and movies, I actually might be a bit of a romantic aspie??? 

Parents

  • Hi Displacerkitten

    I can understand him when he wishes to leave for a bit of time. Has he actually left for that long though? He maybe just needs to clear his head - although I feel like a month is a bit much for any relationship. I guess it's understanding why he wishes to leave like that and not controlling that he can't leave either. In terms of compromise, perhaps try writing things down or having a textual conversation. I am not saying that will work but it might be calmer emotionally as well as clearer.

    Inappropriate comments are a thing and even though autistic people seem to be assumed to be very truthful, I think in some situations it is different in terms of being inappropriate. E.g. He might think a joke in his head is funny and then say it in a strange context or touchy subject, and actually it isn't. It is difficult, and really it might be a case of gently encouraging typical behaviours or comments to stop over time so he would then realise that they are negatively effecting you.

    It is difficult after a fight and I suppose it may take days. But again try using messenging or writing to communicate in a calmer environment, or diffuse the situation and ask in a more gentle way.

    Hmm number 4 is much tougher, perhaps agreeing on a turn taking system or something in order to make each other feel things are fair?

    Number 5 is also very tough. I think perhaps being more open for each other. How to do that, I am not sure sorry. Perhaps correlating the result and intention. E.g I find going for a walk difficult because I see A to B, rather than take my time and look around a lot, but if there are points A, B, C and D, it breaks it up and provides a 'result' opportunity to naturally stop. If that makes sense.

    I also feel my partner is miserable caused by myself unintentionally despite being in love with them and being autistic myself. Keep in mind their can be a lot of unintentional things here. Take time with each thing, and I hope that helps?

Reply

  • Hi Displacerkitten

    I can understand him when he wishes to leave for a bit of time. Has he actually left for that long though? He maybe just needs to clear his head - although I feel like a month is a bit much for any relationship. I guess it's understanding why he wishes to leave like that and not controlling that he can't leave either. In terms of compromise, perhaps try writing things down or having a textual conversation. I am not saying that will work but it might be calmer emotionally as well as clearer.

    Inappropriate comments are a thing and even though autistic people seem to be assumed to be very truthful, I think in some situations it is different in terms of being inappropriate. E.g. He might think a joke in his head is funny and then say it in a strange context or touchy subject, and actually it isn't. It is difficult, and really it might be a case of gently encouraging typical behaviours or comments to stop over time so he would then realise that they are negatively effecting you.

    It is difficult after a fight and I suppose it may take days. But again try using messenging or writing to communicate in a calmer environment, or diffuse the situation and ask in a more gentle way.

    Hmm number 4 is much tougher, perhaps agreeing on a turn taking system or something in order to make each other feel things are fair?

    Number 5 is also very tough. I think perhaps being more open for each other. How to do that, I am not sure sorry. Perhaps correlating the result and intention. E.g I find going for a walk difficult because I see A to B, rather than take my time and look around a lot, but if there are points A, B, C and D, it breaks it up and provides a 'result' opportunity to naturally stop. If that makes sense.

    I also feel my partner is miserable caused by myself unintentionally despite being in love with them and being autistic myself. Keep in mind their can be a lot of unintentional things here. Take time with each thing, and I hope that helps?

Children
No Data