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Marriages and partnerships

Lotus

I'm aware that there are people on the autism spectrum who struggle to get dates or to find someone they connect with.

I'm married to another aspie, but we met through mutual friends when we were in our late teens, so neither of us had to try hard to find someone. 

So I wondered if people who are married or in partnerships would be prepared to share their experiences of how they met, whether their partner is also on the spectrum, and anything else they think might be useful to people wanting to find that special person to share their life with. 

I have quite a practical approach - I couldn't wait to be asked out, I might have lost patience, so I made the first move and suggested we see each other on a trial basis and it went from there. It's been the best thing that ever happened to me,  and I do like to hear about people getting together... I guess that despite despising "love story" novels and movies, I actually might be a bit of a romantic aspie??? 

Parents

  • I'm married to my high school sweetheart and we have children together (one is autistic like their dad).

    I didn't know that I was autistic until my child was diagnosed first, but I have known my whole life that there was something different about me that psychologists in the 1980's couldn't figure out (but they did rule out the dangerous sorts of mental health disorders). If my child hadn't been caught, I would have been missed.

    Anyway, I'd never had a problem attracting girls but I'd had plenty of problems actually developing relationships beyond the first or second date. Not sure how I did so well with this one.

    26 years later and it's constant work. I've had to learn a lot of behaviors to invest in our success together, the same way I've had to learn a lot of behaviors to invest in my social and professional success. Chief among them probably is taking the time to ask about things going on in her life, even if I can figure it out for myself from things like her social media participation or that she's already said she had a great day. Another thing I had to learn is to hold on to quite a lot of my objective assessments of things like how clothes look on her or other things that are meant to try to help, but really only end up hurting feelings.

    I'm no guru, but we're happy together. 

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  • I'm married to my high school sweetheart and we have children together (one is autistic like their dad).

    I didn't know that I was autistic until my child was diagnosed first, but I have known my whole life that there was something different about me that psychologists in the 1980's couldn't figure out (but they did rule out the dangerous sorts of mental health disorders). If my child hadn't been caught, I would have been missed.

    Anyway, I'd never had a problem attracting girls but I'd had plenty of problems actually developing relationships beyond the first or second date. Not sure how I did so well with this one.

    26 years later and it's constant work. I've had to learn a lot of behaviors to invest in our success together, the same way I've had to learn a lot of behaviors to invest in my social and professional success. Chief among them probably is taking the time to ask about things going on in her life, even if I can figure it out for myself from things like her social media participation or that she's already said she had a great day. Another thing I had to learn is to hold on to quite a lot of my objective assessments of things like how clothes look on her or other things that are meant to try to help, but really only end up hurting feelings.

    I'm no guru, but we're happy together. 

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