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I'm furious

Adelheid

Over the past few years several people I know have decided to seek official diagnoses.  At Christmas a family member announced they were going for it, and this morning, another person I've known for years.  But I can't cope with it, I think I'm going to explode. 

Why?  Because I'm so angry at them.  Why are they doing this?  It hurts.  Logically I know I'm being selfish, that their actions don't adversely affect me and I must continue to smile and be supportive of them.  Believe me, that is how I will behave, that is all they will see from me.  But it doesn't stop the hurt.

They are all going against my ingrained beliefs.  You never admit you're different.  You must struggle and fight every day.  It doesn't matter what you feel, it's how you behave, what people see when they meet you, that's what counts.  If you see things another way, if you're not as fast as others, if you find situations difficult then suck it up.  You are wrong.  You must learn to adapt to life.  To cope is success.  To say there's something wrong with you is failure.  It shows you're not fighting hard enough. 

My family member asked me to read up on the autism spectrum, and now I'm angry all the time.  People are all different, some of us have to work harder not to show it.   I should know, I feel the same way.  

How do I square what I believe with what these people around me are doing.  How do I accept their decision?  How do I support them?

Parents

  • "if you're not as fast as others...then suck it up.  You are wrong."

    So someone with an average running speed is "wrong" because they're not able to perform at Olympic standard? I know you don't necessarily mean physically slow, but that analogy more clearly highlights the illogic of what you're saying.

    I wonder if a part of you would actually like to say that you are different. I wonder if you yourself fear "failure".

    Being angry at others taking a positive step to improve their lives and self awareness - possibly even so they are more equipped to adapt - perhaps highlights to you how unable you feel to make changes yourself, so each time someone else says they're seeking diagnosis, you are getting more angry.

    Your response could be a strong signal to you that you need to reflect and consider making some changes. You have managed to express your feelings on this forum (glad you have found a place that has felt safe enough to express yourself), so might you consider another setting such as counselling, where people often discuss relationships, values, beliefs, self-image etc.? I think you recognise that something needs to shift, as you have posted here asking how.

    Whatever you decide, I hope you find a way to cope better with the people around you.

Reply

  • "if you're not as fast as others...then suck it up.  You are wrong."

    So someone with an average running speed is "wrong" because they're not able to perform at Olympic standard? I know you don't necessarily mean physically slow, but that analogy more clearly highlights the illogic of what you're saying.

    I wonder if a part of you would actually like to say that you are different. I wonder if you yourself fear "failure".

    Being angry at others taking a positive step to improve their lives and self awareness - possibly even so they are more equipped to adapt - perhaps highlights to you how unable you feel to make changes yourself, so each time someone else says they're seeking diagnosis, you are getting more angry.

    Your response could be a strong signal to you that you need to reflect and consider making some changes. You have managed to express your feelings on this forum (glad you have found a place that has felt safe enough to express yourself), so might you consider another setting such as counselling, where people often discuss relationships, values, beliefs, self-image etc.? I think you recognise that something needs to shift, as you have posted here asking how.

    Whatever you decide, I hope you find a way to cope better with the people around you.

Children
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