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Trying to understand?

Tryingtounderstand

Hi. I recently met my now ex partner on a dating site, we met up and the realtionship went really well, he told me he had austism which didnt bother me, it made him him! Yesterday I received a text message telling me he didnt want the relationship, i thought fine,  after 6 months i want an explation, we met up & he explained that he is still in love with me but the austism is stopping his ability to be in a relationship, we have agreed  stay friends however I need to understand? I'm hoping someone can shed some light on this situation for me? 

Thanks T

Parents

  • Hi again. I just read John and Trogluddite's recent posts and they have given some good advice and ideas which hopefully will help you.

    I'm a female with aspergers, married to a man who also has it, although we only found this out recently. The fact that we "get" each other doesn't help though when you're in the middle of an argument where both of you see things as black and white, so neither wants to back down as this would be admitting to yourself that you're "wrong". Not all our traits are the same, so we've had to learn how to deal with each other and it's still not always easy, but no long term relationship is.

    Have you seen the horizon programme about autism which is available on BBC iplayer? There was a couple on it who both have aspergers and the wife was saying how they don't go out (she said "where would we go?) so maybe your partner thinks he will stop you doing things you want. Perhaps you should remind him that everyone is different - we all have differing likes and needs, issues and fears, and all couples need to learn about each other to get on well together. 

    I think your idea of talking to him about the good times you've had together is a good one. You need to try and bring him around to a positive view of the relationship. Being with someone you love who loves you back is the best thing in the world in my opinion.

Reply

  • Hi again. I just read John and Trogluddite's recent posts and they have given some good advice and ideas which hopefully will help you.

    I'm a female with aspergers, married to a man who also has it, although we only found this out recently. The fact that we "get" each other doesn't help though when you're in the middle of an argument where both of you see things as black and white, so neither wants to back down as this would be admitting to yourself that you're "wrong". Not all our traits are the same, so we've had to learn how to deal with each other and it's still not always easy, but no long term relationship is.

    Have you seen the horizon programme about autism which is available on BBC iplayer? There was a couple on it who both have aspergers and the wife was saying how they don't go out (she said "where would we go?) so maybe your partner thinks he will stop you doing things you want. Perhaps you should remind him that everyone is different - we all have differing likes and needs, issues and fears, and all couples need to learn about each other to get on well together. 

    I think your idea of talking to him about the good times you've had together is a good one. You need to try and bring him around to a positive view of the relationship. Being with someone you love who loves you back is the best thing in the world in my opinion.

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