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Trying to understand?

Tryingtounderstand

Hi. I recently met my now ex partner on a dating site, we met up and the realtionship went really well, he told me he had austism which didnt bother me, it made him him! Yesterday I received a text message telling me he didnt want the relationship, i thought fine,  after 6 months i want an explation, we met up & he explained that he is still in love with me but the austism is stopping his ability to be in a relationship, we have agreed  stay friends however I need to understand? I'm hoping someone can shed some light on this situation for me? 

Thanks T

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  • I think it was someone on this forum who suggested the book "Living Well on the Spectrum" by Valerie Gaus. It's full of worksheets for identifying and dealing with problems, and has a chapter on "Dating, Sex, and Marriage". It might lead to some better understanding, and some practical ways to work out some solutions. I think it would be well worth reading.

    The book has some good advice on how to communicate, separating facts, how you feel and what you need. Avoid being judgemental, and don't play the games that I think are normal in relationships, where you say one thing, but actually mean something else.

    I think I'd respond best to Pixie's suggestion of putting everything in an e-mail. It would give me time to think about it, and I could respond when I felt up to it. He may well have problems with Executive Function that make it hard to deal with things, so make it as easy as possible for him. Problems with Executive Function aren't laziness, although they might appear to be.

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  • I think it was someone on this forum who suggested the book "Living Well on the Spectrum" by Valerie Gaus. It's full of worksheets for identifying and dealing with problems, and has a chapter on "Dating, Sex, and Marriage". It might lead to some better understanding, and some practical ways to work out some solutions. I think it would be well worth reading.

    The book has some good advice on how to communicate, separating facts, how you feel and what you need. Avoid being judgemental, and don't play the games that I think are normal in relationships, where you say one thing, but actually mean something else.

    I think I'd respond best to Pixie's suggestion of putting everything in an e-mail. It would give me time to think about it, and I could respond when I felt up to it. He may well have problems with Executive Function that make it hard to deal with things, so make it as easy as possible for him. Problems with Executive Function aren't laziness, although they might appear to be.

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