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Trying to understand?

Tryingtounderstand

Hi. I recently met my now ex partner on a dating site, we met up and the realtionship went really well, he told me he had austism which didnt bother me, it made him him! Yesterday I received a text message telling me he didnt want the relationship, i thought fine,  after 6 months i want an explation, we met up & he explained that he is still in love with me but the austism is stopping his ability to be in a relationship, we have agreed  stay friends however I need to understand? I'm hoping someone can shed some light on this situation for me? 

Thanks T

Parents

  • I'm part way through my assessment, and haven't got a diagnosis yet, so can't be sure this might be helpful. I've never managed a relationship anywhere near as long as yours, but one thing I've realised, is that I don't handle difficult situations involving people well, and not just in intimate relationships. When I'm in a stressful situation, I think I act in an all or nothing way. I either put up with it, or I have to get out. I'm too overwhelmed by it to be able to resolve the issue by discussing it, or working out some kind of solution or compromise. Maybe a long time later I think of a way the situation could have been resolved, but it's far too late by then, as we've moved on.

    I'm in a different kind of difficult situation at the moment. I can think of ways to resolve it, but when it comes to acting, and especially working out how I can connect with the people I need to deal with, the whole thing falls into a black hole. It's like there's a module in my head that handles superficial connections with other people that works fairly well, but the module that handles difficult connections is missing, or faulty.

    I've never formed such a close connection as you seem to have done, and I don't think anyone has ever stuck with it after this has happened to me, the way you're trying to, so I can't make any suggestions about what you could do. But maybe there's something I've written that might be some use.

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  • I'm part way through my assessment, and haven't got a diagnosis yet, so can't be sure this might be helpful. I've never managed a relationship anywhere near as long as yours, but one thing I've realised, is that I don't handle difficult situations involving people well, and not just in intimate relationships. When I'm in a stressful situation, I think I act in an all or nothing way. I either put up with it, or I have to get out. I'm too overwhelmed by it to be able to resolve the issue by discussing it, or working out some kind of solution or compromise. Maybe a long time later I think of a way the situation could have been resolved, but it's far too late by then, as we've moved on.

    I'm in a different kind of difficult situation at the moment. I can think of ways to resolve it, but when it comes to acting, and especially working out how I can connect with the people I need to deal with, the whole thing falls into a black hole. It's like there's a module in my head that handles superficial connections with other people that works fairly well, but the module that handles difficult connections is missing, or faulty.

    I've never formed such a close connection as you seem to have done, and I don't think anyone has ever stuck with it after this has happened to me, the way you're trying to, so I can't make any suggestions about what you could do. But maybe there's something I've written that might be some use.

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