Really low at the moment, just had one of those days where everything goes wrong, I just get so scared to do anything for another thing to go wrong what ever I try. Was a work social lunch, had a really hard time, and just wanted to sit somewhere else and eat my meal because people talking while they are eating just really sets my anxiety sky high, much worse than it had been. The pub got unusually busy, and I tried to sit at another table, but just got groups of people crowd around you
Tried to settle in to work in the afternoon, but my computer and computer I need to work on just ground to a halt, and spend hours just waiting for it to come back on line. Office is very quiet and it just go too much so started swearing in frustration.
Near the end of the working day, I discovered a music event I had been waiting for a couple of years, tickets already sold out. Really angry, was on the mailing list, just angry why they didn't announce it on the official mailing list, that is why I signed up for it.
Just coulldn't settle down, then discover another lecture event where tickets only went on sale Today, and, you guess it, sold out. And again, I signed up to the mailing list for these events.
Went to my first post dignostic support meeting yesterday, and found it very difficult, takes a lot out of you. Have been desperate for some counsueling support, but still waiting, hearing nothing.
On top of that, I have got a meeting next Tuesday at work to let line managers know, I was pushed in to having the meeting. Talked at length to one of the directors, who offered to write out an outline of what the line managers need to know. Haven't heard from him, and I expect the meeting will just go ahead, wiith me just dumped in to dealing with all of it.
There has been so many difficult meetings with the diagnosis, before it started I said I will need some support from counsueling to help me get through it, absolutely nothing.
My mental health seems to be deteriorating, and that is picking up some speed. Just cant go on like this. I keep telling people this is too much, but no one listens, yes I have tried the samartians.
Just really hacked off with modern life in general, everything has to be so awkward and twisted. Dont know what to do
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