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Changes To Your Autism Over Time

Banjo's Backpack

Hi everyone. Recently I have been experiencing strange feelings. I discovered autism initially by feeling 'not the same', although I was ok with that. I then learnt how to live with things, and joined football teams for example, and I have always had great ambition.

Recently though, at work, I found I have a threshold. It gets to a point and my body just shuts off functions. Motivation completely goes, I don't want to interact and I need a few days, probably a good week to even get close to feeling normal again. It's frustrating because I am ambitious so I want to be motivated and cope in these situations. I never foreseen it as I am fairly mentally strong.

After taking a few years out of football due to friends leaving to go abroad and new - not as friendly people, I didnt enjoy it as much anymore back then. Now, I miss it so I enquired to return, but this time to Gaelic football - which I have played before and its a better environment with more friends (also less likeable people, but they keep themselves to themselves too). When I enquired about going back though today, I felt strange. I felt weak, suffocated, like I couldn't do it, and I wouldnt be strong enough too. It's not just a feeling, it's back to the failing of functions again. I feel I just can't cope in that surrounding anymore, even though I once very much enjoyed it. 

I am now rather worried about my future. I like my own time and own space during the day, but I seem to be needing more and more of it. Working a full time job is so difficult, I didn't even see it come. I just stop functioning properly, and I can feel it is autism. With football, I just don't really get it. I love running and weight training too though, but I never used to feel like I did today. This threshold feeling is getting more common. I feel like I understood the world back in around 2007-8. Now I feel I haven't a clue how things work anymore. I nearly feel I didn't realise how much I am effected by it. Now it really is effecting me.

Has anyone experienced anything similar? A worsening of autism, so to speak, as years go by?

Thanks for any replies, I appreciate your advice and thanks for reading.

Parents

  • Hi normalish

    Well I can relate to you. Working situation wise I hate being an employee doing shift work, I feel exactly how you say in every job ive done - soul destroying. I am now self employed but getting to a full time sustainable level is hard. Despite still having to work with some people you dont want to, you do get ti work with people you do want to. Not having to wait until a certain time to go home is great and booking clients allows me time to organise myself and plan the day around that, taking into account how I feel too! It allows me to do a job I like (sports technology product development) which is a big plus. And I know what you mean about giving up and going on the dole but yet being proud of working. Im like that too. Finding a job u enjoy (although that can be difficult, is key).

    When I used to work as employee full time on shifts I felt id no time to breathe, I wasnt living my life and I was rotting away like a robot elf making toys all year in santas workshop. It was horrible and I ended up shutting down functionally in work. I was in a trance for days until a day off (so around 7-10days trance) and I used my days off to recover.

    Energy motivation and consideration and just like you they are gone while I drag myself from stress to stress simply seeking bedtime.

    A big challenge is that my partner asks me to talk about things while Isuggestt I need time and space to myself sometimes. This gets rejected and that makes things more difficult because then if theres an argument or im upset im going to go for a run or a drive with no explanation and no feeling of comfort to go to in my own home. 

    I also feel something must give. Things cant go on like this. Its horrible. I hope you find the way to peace in your life.

Reply

  • Hi normalish

    Well I can relate to you. Working situation wise I hate being an employee doing shift work, I feel exactly how you say in every job ive done - soul destroying. I am now self employed but getting to a full time sustainable level is hard. Despite still having to work with some people you dont want to, you do get ti work with people you do want to. Not having to wait until a certain time to go home is great and booking clients allows me time to organise myself and plan the day around that, taking into account how I feel too! It allows me to do a job I like (sports technology product development) which is a big plus. And I know what you mean about giving up and going on the dole but yet being proud of working. Im like that too. Finding a job u enjoy (although that can be difficult, is key).

    When I used to work as employee full time on shifts I felt id no time to breathe, I wasnt living my life and I was rotting away like a robot elf making toys all year in santas workshop. It was horrible and I ended up shutting down functionally in work. I was in a trance for days until a day off (so around 7-10days trance) and I used my days off to recover.

    Energy motivation and consideration and just like you they are gone while I drag myself from stress to stress simply seeking bedtime.

    A big challenge is that my partner asks me to talk about things while Isuggestt I need time and space to myself sometimes. This gets rejected and that makes things more difficult because then if theres an argument or im upset im going to go for a run or a drive with no explanation and no feeling of comfort to go to in my own home. 

    I also feel something must give. Things cant go on like this. Its horrible. I hope you find the way to peace in your life.

Children
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