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Changes To Your Autism Over Time

Banjo's Backpack

Hi everyone. Recently I have been experiencing strange feelings. I discovered autism initially by feeling 'not the same', although I was ok with that. I then learnt how to live with things, and joined football teams for example, and I have always had great ambition.

Recently though, at work, I found I have a threshold. It gets to a point and my body just shuts off functions. Motivation completely goes, I don't want to interact and I need a few days, probably a good week to even get close to feeling normal again. It's frustrating because I am ambitious so I want to be motivated and cope in these situations. I never foreseen it as I am fairly mentally strong.

After taking a few years out of football due to friends leaving to go abroad and new - not as friendly people, I didnt enjoy it as much anymore back then. Now, I miss it so I enquired to return, but this time to Gaelic football - which I have played before and its a better environment with more friends (also less likeable people, but they keep themselves to themselves too). When I enquired about going back though today, I felt strange. I felt weak, suffocated, like I couldn't do it, and I wouldnt be strong enough too. It's not just a feeling, it's back to the failing of functions again. I feel I just can't cope in that surrounding anymore, even though I once very much enjoyed it. 

I am now rather worried about my future. I like my own time and own space during the day, but I seem to be needing more and more of it. Working a full time job is so difficult, I didn't even see it come. I just stop functioning properly, and I can feel it is autism. With football, I just don't really get it. I love running and weight training too though, but I never used to feel like I did today. This threshold feeling is getting more common. I feel like I understood the world back in around 2007-8. Now I feel I haven't a clue how things work anymore. I nearly feel I didn't realise how much I am effected by it. Now it really is effecting me.

Has anyone experienced anything similar? A worsening of autism, so to speak, as years go by?

Thanks for any replies, I appreciate your advice and thanks for reading.

Parents

  • Hi Abe the first

    It's good to know I am not alone. Youre exactly right, we have trouble with the rules, yet criticism comes our way if we don't meet them. It's all good and well people trying to support you when you have aspergers, but in my opinion, they forget (even though they know) that its a spectrum and that makes feel horrible. With social media being so widespread now, I have learned a lot over the years, the less you post on it, the better usually (because I dont know how to interact correctly nevermind on a platform with a papertrail. It is this papertrail that really sucks the life and confidence out of me. Things from years ago get brought up, and yes I feel embarrassed or dont remember but I cant believe its a thing some 5-8 years later.

    Anxiety/depression is horrible so I hope you find peace with yourself. 

    It is hard to avoid work to be fair to you. Survival comes first unfortunately. But it doesn't help and it can make life so difficult at times. Im self employed now which is helping (although tough, but more pros than cons vs being an employee).

    You know I also 'ostrich' myself. I dont feel I can make the expectation of those close to me so I prefer the simple life. I like 'usual' days and as such I now prefer it now to be an event of the year such as Christmas (which I used to enjoy) or Halloween or valentines day. It involves doing things out of my comfort zone and with people and I now find it not so nice because of how I feel. Even Sundays are strange and annoying to me because while its a slower more take it easy day, things operate properly, like they do any other day. Weird I know. 

Reply

  • Hi Abe the first

    It's good to know I am not alone. Youre exactly right, we have trouble with the rules, yet criticism comes our way if we don't meet them. It's all good and well people trying to support you when you have aspergers, but in my opinion, they forget (even though they know) that its a spectrum and that makes feel horrible. With social media being so widespread now, I have learned a lot over the years, the less you post on it, the better usually (because I dont know how to interact correctly nevermind on a platform with a papertrail. It is this papertrail that really sucks the life and confidence out of me. Things from years ago get brought up, and yes I feel embarrassed or dont remember but I cant believe its a thing some 5-8 years later.

    Anxiety/depression is horrible so I hope you find peace with yourself. 

    It is hard to avoid work to be fair to you. Survival comes first unfortunately. But it doesn't help and it can make life so difficult at times. Im self employed now which is helping (although tough, but more pros than cons vs being an employee).

    You know I also 'ostrich' myself. I dont feel I can make the expectation of those close to me so I prefer the simple life. I like 'usual' days and as such I now prefer it now to be an event of the year such as Christmas (which I used to enjoy) or Halloween or valentines day. It involves doing things out of my comfort zone and with people and I now find it not so nice because of how I feel. Even Sundays are strange and annoying to me because while its a slower more take it easy day, things operate properly, like they do any other day. Weird I know. 

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