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Changes To Your Autism Over Time

Banjo's Backpack

Hi everyone. Recently I have been experiencing strange feelings. I discovered autism initially by feeling 'not the same', although I was ok with that. I then learnt how to live with things, and joined football teams for example, and I have always had great ambition.

Recently though, at work, I found I have a threshold. It gets to a point and my body just shuts off functions. Motivation completely goes, I don't want to interact and I need a few days, probably a good week to even get close to feeling normal again. It's frustrating because I am ambitious so I want to be motivated and cope in these situations. I never foreseen it as I am fairly mentally strong.

After taking a few years out of football due to friends leaving to go abroad and new - not as friendly people, I didnt enjoy it as much anymore back then. Now, I miss it so I enquired to return, but this time to Gaelic football - which I have played before and its a better environment with more friends (also less likeable people, but they keep themselves to themselves too). When I enquired about going back though today, I felt strange. I felt weak, suffocated, like I couldn't do it, and I wouldnt be strong enough too. It's not just a feeling, it's back to the failing of functions again. I feel I just can't cope in that surrounding anymore, even though I once very much enjoyed it. 

I am now rather worried about my future. I like my own time and own space during the day, but I seem to be needing more and more of it. Working a full time job is so difficult, I didn't even see it come. I just stop functioning properly, and I can feel it is autism. With football, I just don't really get it. I love running and weight training too though, but I never used to feel like I did today. This threshold feeling is getting more common. I feel like I understood the world back in around 2007-8. Now I feel I haven't a clue how things work anymore. I nearly feel I didn't realise how much I am effected by it. Now it really is effecting me.

Has anyone experienced anything similar? A worsening of autism, so to speak, as years go by?

Thanks for any replies, I appreciate your advice and thanks for reading.

Parents

  • Banjo's Backpack said:

    Hi Recombinantsocks

    That makes sense, thank you. Although, I don't regret my black and white thinking of the past, I think the future will be more difficult. I am now afraid that what I think might make me happy, won't and what i think won't make me happy, may do.

    I think I am in a bad place. Sometimes I feel angry because of people. That anger can last for a long time for me. I thought I understood the world when I was just turning into an adult, now I don't. I am nearly losing my own identity of how I see myself because of how I feel.

    Smiling at other people is something I don't enjoy doing. It brings questions from other people and I don't want the hassle from people close to me.

    I see what you mean by losing a sense of what is sensible to think, although I never feel hopeless or care about feeling normal. I am not sure if that's a good or bad thing.

    Nice to hear your experience. Hopefully I find a way out of this.

    I pretty much feel all of that, I also have felt that I don't trust my judgement anymore.

    I try to follow the rules at all costs, but when we don’t know what the rules are, it makes this impossible.

    In terms of your post on this thread, I so agree, I have felt things get much worse for me due to anxiety/depression over the past couple of years.

    From being able to function perfectly adequately to now being very much being an “ostrich” just to cope. By doing this I try to protect myself from things in case someone annoys me or things going wrong, I have become even more risk averse and as such don’t do much anymore.

    Saying that I still go to work.

Reply

  • Banjo's Backpack said:

    Hi Recombinantsocks

    That makes sense, thank you. Although, I don't regret my black and white thinking of the past, I think the future will be more difficult. I am now afraid that what I think might make me happy, won't and what i think won't make me happy, may do.

    I think I am in a bad place. Sometimes I feel angry because of people. That anger can last for a long time for me. I thought I understood the world when I was just turning into an adult, now I don't. I am nearly losing my own identity of how I see myself because of how I feel.

    Smiling at other people is something I don't enjoy doing. It brings questions from other people and I don't want the hassle from people close to me.

    I see what you mean by losing a sense of what is sensible to think, although I never feel hopeless or care about feeling normal. I am not sure if that's a good or bad thing.

    Nice to hear your experience. Hopefully I find a way out of this.

    I pretty much feel all of that, I also have felt that I don't trust my judgement anymore.

    I try to follow the rules at all costs, but when we don’t know what the rules are, it makes this impossible.

    In terms of your post on this thread, I so agree, I have felt things get much worse for me due to anxiety/depression over the past couple of years.

    From being able to function perfectly adequately to now being very much being an “ostrich” just to cope. By doing this I try to protect myself from things in case someone annoys me or things going wrong, I have become even more risk averse and as such don’t do much anymore.

    Saying that I still go to work.

Children
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