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Changes To Your Autism Over Time

Banjo's Backpack

Hi everyone. Recently I have been experiencing strange feelings. I discovered autism initially by feeling 'not the same', although I was ok with that. I then learnt how to live with things, and joined football teams for example, and I have always had great ambition.

Recently though, at work, I found I have a threshold. It gets to a point and my body just shuts off functions. Motivation completely goes, I don't want to interact and I need a few days, probably a good week to even get close to feeling normal again. It's frustrating because I am ambitious so I want to be motivated and cope in these situations. I never foreseen it as I am fairly mentally strong.

After taking a few years out of football due to friends leaving to go abroad and new - not as friendly people, I didnt enjoy it as much anymore back then. Now, I miss it so I enquired to return, but this time to Gaelic football - which I have played before and its a better environment with more friends (also less likeable people, but they keep themselves to themselves too). When I enquired about going back though today, I felt strange. I felt weak, suffocated, like I couldn't do it, and I wouldnt be strong enough too. It's not just a feeling, it's back to the failing of functions again. I feel I just can't cope in that surrounding anymore, even though I once very much enjoyed it. 

I am now rather worried about my future. I like my own time and own space during the day, but I seem to be needing more and more of it. Working a full time job is so difficult, I didn't even see it come. I just stop functioning properly, and I can feel it is autism. With football, I just don't really get it. I love running and weight training too though, but I never used to feel like I did today. This threshold feeling is getting more common. I feel like I understood the world back in around 2007-8. Now I feel I haven't a clue how things work anymore. I nearly feel I didn't realise how much I am effected by it. Now it really is effecting me.

Has anyone experienced anything similar? A worsening of autism, so to speak, as years go by?

Thanks for any replies, I appreciate your advice and thanks for reading.

Parents

  • Hi Recombinantsocks

    You know from yourself and Longman saying that, I think that could be true, but it also gives me a bit of a reaction now to get out of it if it is true, so thank you. I feel a bit overwhelmed by things sometimes lately, where as I never have before. It actually helps already that you's have said that, and honestly I have said to the doctor and I am waiting to speak to a specialist regarding it (those waits are long though).

    Drugs are always a last resort for me. I always try to eat good, exercise and relax doing things I enjoy when I feel like that (although it is difficult to even do that at times to be fair, but I give myself that aim if I can't too).

    Anxiety more than depression is something I never considered. Thank you guys a lot, I really appreciate your help, and I will follow it up.

    You're right, labelling can be harmful so even my closest friends don't know to be honest. A handful of people know, and to be honest I regret that anyone knows at all, although some weren't in my control. I know those people treat me differently, and perhaps unfairly because of it. It is difficult to explain things to people who don't know (for example, if they invite me to go out somewhere, but I wouldn't really feel comfortable such as a pub or nightclub, they'd question it). Honestly though, I wish nobody knew bar one or two people I can really trust that help me with it.

    If it makes you feel any better, I was diagnosed 21 years ago, and I haven't figured out everything yet either. Things catch me by surprise, but the comforting thing is that I can 'feel' autism, so that feeling allows me to know that it's ok because it's an autism thing, and it's not because I can but I am not trying sort of thing. I really think that you have to think positive, that it's a good thing. It has pros and cons, but it makes you the person you are, and in my view, I wouldn't have it any other way :)

Reply

  • Hi Recombinantsocks

    You know from yourself and Longman saying that, I think that could be true, but it also gives me a bit of a reaction now to get out of it if it is true, so thank you. I feel a bit overwhelmed by things sometimes lately, where as I never have before. It actually helps already that you's have said that, and honestly I have said to the doctor and I am waiting to speak to a specialist regarding it (those waits are long though).

    Drugs are always a last resort for me. I always try to eat good, exercise and relax doing things I enjoy when I feel like that (although it is difficult to even do that at times to be fair, but I give myself that aim if I can't too).

    Anxiety more than depression is something I never considered. Thank you guys a lot, I really appreciate your help, and I will follow it up.

    You're right, labelling can be harmful so even my closest friends don't know to be honest. A handful of people know, and to be honest I regret that anyone knows at all, although some weren't in my control. I know those people treat me differently, and perhaps unfairly because of it. It is difficult to explain things to people who don't know (for example, if they invite me to go out somewhere, but I wouldn't really feel comfortable such as a pub or nightclub, they'd question it). Honestly though, I wish nobody knew bar one or two people I can really trust that help me with it.

    If it makes you feel any better, I was diagnosed 21 years ago, and I haven't figured out everything yet either. Things catch me by surprise, but the comforting thing is that I can 'feel' autism, so that feeling allows me to know that it's ok because it's an autism thing, and it's not because I can but I am not trying sort of thing. I really think that you have to think positive, that it's a good thing. It has pros and cons, but it makes you the person you are, and in my view, I wouldn't have it any other way :)

Children
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