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Changes To Your Autism Over Time

Banjo's Backpack

Hi everyone. Recently I have been experiencing strange feelings. I discovered autism initially by feeling 'not the same', although I was ok with that. I then learnt how to live with things, and joined football teams for example, and I have always had great ambition.

Recently though, at work, I found I have a threshold. It gets to a point and my body just shuts off functions. Motivation completely goes, I don't want to interact and I need a few days, probably a good week to even get close to feeling normal again. It's frustrating because I am ambitious so I want to be motivated and cope in these situations. I never foreseen it as I am fairly mentally strong.

After taking a few years out of football due to friends leaving to go abroad and new - not as friendly people, I didnt enjoy it as much anymore back then. Now, I miss it so I enquired to return, but this time to Gaelic football - which I have played before and its a better environment with more friends (also less likeable people, but they keep themselves to themselves too). When I enquired about going back though today, I felt strange. I felt weak, suffocated, like I couldn't do it, and I wouldnt be strong enough too. It's not just a feeling, it's back to the failing of functions again. I feel I just can't cope in that surrounding anymore, even though I once very much enjoyed it. 

I am now rather worried about my future. I like my own time and own space during the day, but I seem to be needing more and more of it. Working a full time job is so difficult, I didn't even see it come. I just stop functioning properly, and I can feel it is autism. With football, I just don't really get it. I love running and weight training too though, but I never used to feel like I did today. This threshold feeling is getting more common. I feel like I understood the world back in around 2007-8. Now I feel I haven't a clue how things work anymore. I nearly feel I didn't realise how much I am effected by it. Now it really is effecting me.

Has anyone experienced anything similar? A worsening of autism, so to speak, as years go by?

Thanks for any replies, I appreciate your advice and thanks for reading.

Parents

  • Hello

    Yes, everything you say is true. For me, it reached the point where attempting to go to work was so draining that I'd be dragging myself around all day like I was on drugs or something. Bare function, no interest, only just completing the minimum functions, and those on automatic, and home again feeling not just like a flat battery, but one so badly drained and damaged that it could never be recharged.

    As the years go by, your experience of this repeats itself. I liken it to being beaten up - how often do you go through the same old pattern that you KNOW will end in a good beating, before you don't even want to start the process?

    You say you 'discovered' autism. What does that mean? I'll assume that you discovered some information about autism and it started to fit with your self-knowledge, but you're not diagnosed.

    I would encourage you to get diagnosed. We can help you to present your case. Of course, if you are diagnosed already, you should have said, but no matter, the important thing is that you're here.

    Ask away about anything. If you're AS, you're not weird, you're not a 'loony' and you're not mentaly ill. We are very interested in helping you to explore who you are, there is a range of AS people on here, and someone will be able to relate to your feelings, experiences and actions. Fear not, there's nothing to be afraid of but fear itself!

    Welcome!

Reply

  • Hello

    Yes, everything you say is true. For me, it reached the point where attempting to go to work was so draining that I'd be dragging myself around all day like I was on drugs or something. Bare function, no interest, only just completing the minimum functions, and those on automatic, and home again feeling not just like a flat battery, but one so badly drained and damaged that it could never be recharged.

    As the years go by, your experience of this repeats itself. I liken it to being beaten up - how often do you go through the same old pattern that you KNOW will end in a good beating, before you don't even want to start the process?

    You say you 'discovered' autism. What does that mean? I'll assume that you discovered some information about autism and it started to fit with your self-knowledge, but you're not diagnosed.

    I would encourage you to get diagnosed. We can help you to present your case. Of course, if you are diagnosed already, you should have said, but no matter, the important thing is that you're here.

    Ask away about anything. If you're AS, you're not weird, you're not a 'loony' and you're not mentaly ill. We are very interested in helping you to explore who you are, there is a range of AS people on here, and someone will be able to relate to your feelings, experiences and actions. Fear not, there's nothing to be afraid of but fear itself!

    Welcome!

Children
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