Does anyone else cry when they are criticised or when someone simply points out that they have made a mistake? I have this problem. When I was volunteering on the till at Age UK today, I accidentally forgot to 'gift-aid' an item by using the bar-code scanning machine. The manager told me nicely that I had forgotten to do this, and that if an item is not scanned for gift-aid they would lose money. She told me not to worry as she could gift-aid the transaction once I had left. But tears immediately started welling up in my eyes, I got a lump in my throat, my lip started trembling and I could not make eye-contact for the rest of the morning. I felt like crying but had to repress the tears. I knew rationally that getting upset over so small a thing was silly, but I could not control my physical display of emotion, and I worry that people might have noticed I was upset as one customer said, 'Are you alright?'. The emotion seemed alien to me because on a non-physical level I did not feel anything, but thoughts went through my mind telling me that I can't do anything right, I am a liability, don't concentrate etc, even though I was doing my hardest. I have a very strong need to complete tasks to perfection and I am a control-freak. I only felt better when the manager thanked me for doing a hard days work and told me that the morning takings had reached over £200.
I want to feel that I am contributing, that my voluntary work counts, but I need to be in control and I feel defensive when people try to help me.
