Published on 12, July, 2020
I'm never really sure how to start forum posts about real-life things, so I'll just say it as it comes into my mind.
As someone who's spent much of their life affected by ASD and has only been diagnosed early this year, it seems like much of my life has been dominated by it. Most notably the ways that people don't seem to want to spend time with me. From an early age in school I was always different and never fit in with everyone else. My interests were always different, I wasn't cool or trendy, I thought all of their interests were boring or stupid, and I had the massive drawback of being an American living in the U.K., and got to be bullied for exactly that. Now the last part faded eventually, but since I'm 30 and have been here since I was 6, it was always going to stop at some point.
It's gotten worse since the diagnosis, despite having spent less than a year knowing why I am the way I am. Most notably, Dad doesn't seem to understand anything about me anymore, and his complete lack of sympathy has me shut out from someone I thought I was really close to. Mum understands me fairly well and has been right with me through this, but Dad doesn't seem to want in on it.
Not having friends in real-life doesn't help much either. There's only three people on the planet apart from my parents that I have frequent contact with. I'm friends with all three of them, I've met one of them and would really like to meet the other two, but they've got their own real-life obligations like family and work. It's like I'm in a room full of people having fun with each other and I'm the only one standing solo. They're all having fun and talking with themselves but I'm shut out of everything. Making it worse is that Dad could be in the same room with me and I'll still feel all alone.
Well, that seems like more than enough for this time of night.
Dan,
Your posts are very clear and it is very obvious that you are very desparate. Can I ask whether you have been to the doctor to try and get proper help (i.e. CBT rather than medication) for depression. Depression is a treatable, fixable state of mind that is not the same as feeling sad or down.
I suspect that your parents do care about you but they are probably very bad at showing it and you will struggle to interpret their intentions and feelings correctly because you have autism.
I suspect that your friends do care about you but they are not skilled at doing anything dramatic to help you. They may also be busy with worrying about themsleves (this also happens a lot on this forum - there are more people in a bad place looking for help and relatively few people with the skills or interest to come here except when they need help)
Please, Dan, make an appointment with your GP or call
Mind Infoline 0300 123 3393 (weekdays 9am - 6pm)
Saneline 0845 767 8000 (everyday 6pm-11pm)