Published on 12, July, 2020
I'm never really sure how to start forum posts about real-life things, so I'll just say it as it comes into my mind.
As someone who's spent much of their life affected by ASD and has only been diagnosed early this year, it seems like much of my life has been dominated by it. Most notably the ways that people don't seem to want to spend time with me. From an early age in school I was always different and never fit in with everyone else. My interests were always different, I wasn't cool or trendy, I thought all of their interests were boring or stupid, and I had the massive drawback of being an American living in the U.K., and got to be bullied for exactly that. Now the last part faded eventually, but since I'm 30 and have been here since I was 6, it was always going to stop at some point.
It's gotten worse since the diagnosis, despite having spent less than a year knowing why I am the way I am. Most notably, Dad doesn't seem to understand anything about me anymore, and his complete lack of sympathy has me shut out from someone I thought I was really close to. Mum understands me fairly well and has been right with me through this, but Dad doesn't seem to want in on it.
Not having friends in real-life doesn't help much either. There's only three people on the planet apart from my parents that I have frequent contact with. I'm friends with all three of them, I've met one of them and would really like to meet the other two, but they've got their own real-life obligations like family and work. It's like I'm in a room full of people having fun with each other and I'm the only one standing solo. They're all having fun and talking with themselves but I'm shut out of everything. Making it worse is that Dad could be in the same room with me and I'll still feel all alone.
Well, that seems like more than enough for this time of night.
Hi Dan
I'm a new member, not formally diagnosed yet and still trying to understand myself at the age of 55. I'm really lucky in that I met my life partner at the age of 16 and despite many difficulties we've managed to support each other through everything life has thrown at us - he is also undiagnosed aspergers, so we understand each other, but have still had to learn to communicate and cooperate effectively - however I've always had trouble making and keeping female friends and coincidentally, my relationship with my mother broke down when I was exactly your age.
You're not a bad person - you are too hard on yourself. You just haven't been lucky enough yet to find that person - be it a friend or partner - who "gets" you, understands your difficulties and inspires your trust.
Are you having counselling? Do you have any other support from local health services? I'm just waiting for an assessment of my needs, so I don't know much about this yet, but there are other members on this forum with much more knowledge and experience who can give you advice if you need it - I only joined yesterday and I've already had two really helpful responses to my own concerns.
All the best and hope things improve for you very soon.