Published on 12, July, 2020
I'm never really sure how to start forum posts about real-life things, so I'll just say it as it comes into my mind.
As someone who's spent much of their life affected by ASD and has only been diagnosed early this year, it seems like much of my life has been dominated by it. Most notably the ways that people don't seem to want to spend time with me. From an early age in school I was always different and never fit in with everyone else. My interests were always different, I wasn't cool or trendy, I thought all of their interests were boring or stupid, and I had the massive drawback of being an American living in the U.K., and got to be bullied for exactly that. Now the last part faded eventually, but since I'm 30 and have been here since I was 6, it was always going to stop at some point.
It's gotten worse since the diagnosis, despite having spent less than a year knowing why I am the way I am. Most notably, Dad doesn't seem to understand anything about me anymore, and his complete lack of sympathy has me shut out from someone I thought I was really close to. Mum understands me fairly well and has been right with me through this, but Dad doesn't seem to want in on it.
Not having friends in real-life doesn't help much either. There's only three people on the planet apart from my parents that I have frequent contact with. I'm friends with all three of them, I've met one of them and would really like to meet the other two, but they've got their own real-life obligations like family and work. It's like I'm in a room full of people having fun with each other and I'm the only one standing solo. They're all having fun and talking with themselves but I'm shut out of everything. Making it worse is that Dad could be in the same room with me and I'll still feel all alone.
Well, that seems like more than enough for this time of night.
Hi Dan,
I'm sorry that you're in a bad place at the moment, however please see that there are many people in a similar position to yourself even on these forums (you can see that there are many people who, if you extrapolate a little, are saying and appear to be feeling just as you are now).
I think that it is useful to air our frustrations, concerns and feelings in general however we can (being able to talk to someone about your feelings as you suggest in your initial post is something of which I am envious), and I hope that it has made your day a little better in the knowledge that many people have acknowledged what you have written (look at the number of guests on the forum! I think (or hope) that a few of these are poeple who can't quite bring themselves to make a post here despite a very similar life experience).
For what its worth, I don't believe that either of your parents hate you. I recall when I had a bout of unemployment (which lasted approximately 18 months), I began feeling, at least in this regard, very similar to yourself. However this began to change when I started making my efforts for employment visible and deliberately announced (as I had no choice but to live with them at the time due to a lack of money), as I was leaving for the job centre/employment agencies. As such, despite your condition (and potentially with the aid of the resources provided by this website) I feel that this may be a way to move forwards? This would also help with your feelings of friendlessness (i.e. I can't contact my friends as I can't afford to do anything). If nothing else, it would get you out of the house (which is something that has helped with my depression).
I wish you all the best and hope I have not been insulting by extrapolating here.