does it show?

for as long as i can remember, i'v had issues with being bullied. primary school, massively so in secondary school, and even now at college. but its odd. back in secondary school, i knew no one, due to moving schools for year 7, and i kept my head down and was quiet. within the first week, the classmates behaviour towards me got set in stone in low level harrasment, put downs, and as much physical stuff as they could get away with during lessons like PE. at that age i had no diagnosis, and didnt until my first year of college, and after 5 years of more or less hell, i was ready to beleive of the oft trotted out trite that 'people are different when you get to college'. no, they really arent, by the end of the first day i had been called out, degradingly, for giving an answer in class that was more detailed than is the norm for teenagers, this has persisted to the present day, even when i moved up onto the lvl 3 course from the lvl 2, there were brand new people i had never met, verbally taking the p**s on to other grounds than i was very silent. only the other day, i was on the morning college bus, not having slept much the previous night, and was led back, eyes shut, but very much awake. 3 teenage males my age i have NEVER met and hadnt spoken to even when getting on the bus started slamming windows, shouting in my ear, slapping me on the shoulder and in one case stamped on my foot, for no apparent reason, other than to judge by there conversation, that i was, in there eyes, alseep.

but enough of my whiney sob story and onto the real reason for this post. a recuring though throughout secondary school, and one that resurfaced shortly after i got my diagnosis two years ago was this; does it show? is there something about me, my speech, my mannerisms, and posture or stance, is there one single thing that lets people see me in a way that indicates me as a target for this kind of behvaiour. is it linked to aspergers and autism? has anyone else found thensevles targeted for no apparent reason by peers?

cmerrick over 14 years ago

thanks for all the feedback everyone, and as to the bullying, honestly after 8 odd years of it, i can pretty much ignore it, its there, but its become something im honestly very used to, low key petty insults from my peers are more or less what i;ve come to expect, and im quite used to be being at the bottom of the pile as it where. i tried reporting it back in secondary school and that never worked, but then my school, nailsea, was shockingly incompetant at dealing with these things. and hope, i can relate to you there, despite being male. i refusal on my part of want to spike my hair up, show an interest in pro football and dull down my langauge to the level of caveman certainly didnt help with ''peers''.
longman over 14 years ago

The nature of knowledge volunteered in the classroom is also crucial. I did this right through school and in university, but having since been a teacher have had the other perspective. Seeing someone with AS in this context, knowing my own failings, and picking up the teaching room/lecture theatre response, is revealing.
The student cohort is cagey about asking questions or answering teacher's questions. I sense that NT students look round to seek approval before volunteering, and if there is a strong group opposition to getting involved they seem to pick that up.
AS students are quick to volunteer answers and to raise questions during teaching. My recollection of doing it myself, and my front of class perspective both show this is the student in isolation engaging with the teacher. The AS student isn't aware of a peer group agenda. Nor is the AS student able to pick up the reaction.
It depends on the teacher. I like to incorporate discussion if I can get any out of my audience, but I think I have the ability to coax it. Often though, as long as sensible teachers welcome an AS insight in the absence of any other volunteers. However some AS volitions go on to long, go off the point, or get into too much detail, and I have difficult moments balancing control of such contributions without entertaining the student's peer group with any remonstrance.
One way to tackle this is, if you regularly sit with someone, ask them to give you a nudge if they sense you are going off point or into too much detail.
Hope over 14 years ago

I think AS can show in subtle ways.
When I was at school I was called 'chipmonk' (don't ask me why!), probably because I am very small. I used to run a lot and this would make the other kids laugh at me and they made fun of my big backpack (I never had a fashionable shoulder bag) and over-sized blazer.
Girls used to tell me to wear makeup if I wanted to have friends but I never did wear makeup because it was not my style and I have never had any desire to conform. Naturally this conflict between fitting in and being myself has led to anxiety, but as I have got older I have become more confident and it is easier to be myself.
longman over 14 years ago

My own theory is that I don't manifest the right deference or avoidance in such situations. The gang culture expects either tacit approval or look the other way. Having aspergers means you overstay a look, or avoid a look when one is asked, or don't do an eyes down (not challenging), or otherwise don't have the right facial expression.
I do feel a lot of NT interaction is about "pecking-order" or rank in a hierarchy. If you are top monkey you expect the attention of the subordinate masses but immediate deference or non-challenge to follow.
Although it is a while since I was at school (and bullied throughout) as I'm now 61, I have had similar problems over not fitting in in the workplace, whether that is people's adverse feelings about my being different, or outright bullying. Also I've been teaching in HE for 20 years and I observe student behaviours in order to understand my own reactions, and having been a disability coordinator for years, student reactions to disabled students including those with aspergers.
Some people with aspergers do look different, whether it is the neutral/dead pan facial expression that I think results from avoiding varied facial expression through getting it wrong. Also those with coordination problems/motor control difficulties show it in their walk or posture.
But I think it ia primarily because people with AS don't make the expected responses on cue, especially where there is bullying or where senior people expect deference.
In my schooldays I was primariliy bullied because an explosive reaction could be triggered which was entertaining (due to being very sensitive to peripheral noise and sudden movements), though I have been fortunate in not having had much in the way of meltdowns otherwise - but my school contemporaries seemed to know how to make me react entertainingly. Also, I agree with other posting, what you say and how you answer classroom questions is a factor.
SamF over 14 years ago

Just wanted to add my support to say report it every time something happens, you do not have to put up with it. People can be so cruel and kalajaro, sometimes the comments hurt far more than the punches!
Hope you get this sorted out.
Sam
x
wendyocd over 14 years ago

It's not that it shows in the same way as something like downsyndrome but I think our whole general stance and demeneour when we're out and about, gives away that there is something about us that isn't regarded as the general "norm".
You don't say what you're doing about the bullying. I get the sense that you believe that the treatment you're receiving from your peers is just the way the cookie has crumbled. DO NOT stand for it. You WILL NOT make it worse by dealing with the situation.
Do you have a one-to-one support teacher at college? Tell your parents. Tell the college head. Report it. It WILL get worse if you let these people get away with it. You really have to stand up for yourself. Take self defence classes. I'm not saying that you should go and beat these bullies up but if you take these self defence classes it will give you the confidence to stand up for yourself and that in itsself will help you so much.
Please please please report this bullying that you're suffering. It isn't the way things are for us.
KaloJaro over 14 years ago

Hiya, I'm Katie and I'm a 17 year old aspie, I only got diagnosed this year but it makes a ot of sense.
I've always had trouble with people, the way I see it is pack mentality, 'If you're not with us you're against us'. Many have gone out of their way all my life to make fun of me for walking fast, being too smart (knowing that the x ray images was of a short fin mako shark rather than simply putting 'shark' on the quiz) or explaining in too much detail. As a girl, this lead to constant sniping from other females, whether its degrading comments about my appearence (forgive me for not plastering that expensive clay over my face every morning or that I actually like having short boyish hair ¬¬) or just highlighting that I'll never have a boyfriend or any 'true' friends.
Like I said, unless you're part of a group, people will single you out and target you simply to make themselves seem more interesting or humourous to their friends. As a girl, this meant bitching behind my back and the odd catcall from boys of 'can I have your number?' before they burst out laughing (and people wonder why I can't take any offers of relationships seriously) at my expense. But being a girl, theres always been the whole 'you shouldn't hit girls' thing with the boys, meaning they kept it verbal.
Most likely its not something you're -doing- more what you're -not- doing, aka being like them. But look on the bright side, by being myself and actively trying to ignore all these comments, I've become an unofficial role model for younger students at my high school (in 6th form now), I've seen more kids dressing up in a more gothic relaxed style with girls cutting their hair short in a way that suits them.
As one of my friends (yeah, I successfully intergrated into the 'outsiders' group) say, 'Better to put up with them now so you can make them kiss your a** when you're their boss later.'