Has anyone declared *undiagnosed* Aspergers/Autism to their employer?

Stonechat said:

I am frequently shocked by how some of my neurotypical acquaintances refer to and treat others whilst appearing to have no conscience about doing so. 

Some NT people are psychopaths or otherwise different to normal, whatever that is. NT covers a wide variety of sinners and saints.

I had an urge to tell everyone - maybe I thought that I was was more important or interesting than others thought of me? (what me, a bit self centred?) It wasn't a great move but I actually got more sympathy than anything else from collegues and friends. I was also advised early on to do a bit more of people spotting or quiet observation of what people do. 

It is two years since my diagnosis and so far I have told only three people that I have Asperger's.

The sad fact is that members of the general population who do not have contact with Asperger's, do not as a rule understand the condition... and may back away from, or judge negatively, what they do not understand. 

However, we tend to see things differently, and often make the mistake of assuming that other people have the same opinions as us. If we are happy or enthusiastic about something, we can make the mis-take of presuming people we tell will feel the same.

Speaking for myself, I find my Asperger's allows me to be accepting of people who have difficulties in life or are different in some way. I find it impossible to judge them. I am frequently shocked by how some of my neurotypical acquaintances refer to and treat others whilst appearing to have no conscience about doing so. 

In relating her experience of revealing her diagnosis, Electra gives a sound caution that every 'new' Aspie should take note of. 

My experience is that disclosure often leads to bafflement, it is rare to come across someone with a diagnosis. My managers didn't know what to do in response, they kept asking me and I didn't know either! My friends/colleagues at my previous job were very good and I didn't lose them when I told them. The managers didn't grasp the opportunity to change things and relations had sunk too low for it to be retrieved. It will depend on various things - how open minded/well educated thay are and any previous experience in their family etc. 

A diagnosis gives some extra protection - the equality act can be invoked and "reasonable adjustments" can be requested. My current employers became aware when they put me through a pre-employment medical. They are being quite reasonable but I'm not sure I'm in the right job or handling it myself very well yet.

electra - that's so sad.

I've been open about my depression with work colleagues and family. But I've no idea what the reaction would be to an AS diagnosis.

When my sister suggested it to me, she was obviously expecting me to be upset. But in fact it was a revelation which joined together all sorts of thoughts and issues I'd had, and which talking therapies had done little to resolve.

I'm beginning to realise that I just don't think in the same way as most other people. And making me think or act in a particular way is a significant cause of stress (and untimately depression). It can't be fun for my wife or kids, but there's only so much I can do about it.

I would add that when you've told someone you can't untell them. Nor can you control who they tell.

When I was first diagnosed I experienced great happiness as being autistic made sense of my whole life. I thought everyone I knew would be equally pleased and happy for me. But I lost many friends who decided I was deluded or attention-seeking. Of the people I told I can count on one hand those who treat me as they did before they knew.

I no longer tell anyone. I had to tell my manager and wish that had not been necessary.

Hi Stonechat,

What a great post. Totally agree with you - I'm already riding the rollercoaster of emotions after the idea of AS was recently suggested by my older sister (who is a teacher). My current employer and line manager is aware of my recent depressive episodes. Perhaps I am overkeen to give a possible explanation for these and to give them (and me) something concrete to work with.

I am also negotiating to work a 4-day week instead of full-time. I have been working 4 days since I started (3 months ago) due to my CAT therapy sessions. However, I now have no confirmed medical justification to continue working part-time once the CAT sessions finish.

Having a day to completely switch off - from work, family, everything - is a bit of a luxury but seems to help with my mood and general outlook on the world.

For now, I'll keep reading the AS books. I'm just finishing "An Asperger Marriage" http://www.amazon.co.uk/An-Asperger-Marriage-Christopher-Slater-Walker/dp/1843100177 which is an uncanny reflection of me, my frustrated wife, our relationship and my eventful career.

Let's see what the NHS can do with my referral for AS assessment.

Hello richardSW16

Not sure if declaring something you haven't been officially confirmed as having, is a good idea... after all, you might not have it.  I recall just before I went for my diagnosis, I was pretty confident that I had Asperger's, but there was still a niggling doubt in my mind. 

If you are given a diagnosis, you may feel differently afterwards about who you tell. It takes a great deal of thought when considering who you should tell, ie who you trust and who you feel confident will treat you well after being given that knowledge.

From my own experience I would say that one needs a period of time to absorb the fact that you have been diagnosed. It is a life-changing event, even if you were expecting it.
A diagnosis requires you to re-evaluate pretty much the whole of your life experience. Like you I was in my fifties when diagnosed and can say with some confidence that fifty years is a lot of life to 're-think'.

For me, diagnosis was a relief and an explanantion for all the stuff that I'd had difficulty with over the years. Many people here will have had the same experience and feelings at diagnosis. But don't underestimate the emotional highs and lows you may experience as well, whilst getting used to the 'new version of you'.