in recent years, i find myself getting very angry of having aspergers. i've dwelled on it a lot and come to regard it as nothing but a curse, a crippling factor that prevents me being all i should be. what makes me most angry is that i will die. we all will. and there is nothing after we die. every single human gets a single shot at life. just one. no second chances, no option to go around again. and those of us with aspergers, autism, any mental health or physically disabilties, are hampered from the very start. our one chance has been cursed by the capricous fate to be lived in misery, suffering and being a lesser person. theres no justice in that, nothing fair or deserved. i have and will continue to live my life with nerouses i will never overcome no matter how much effort i put in, aspects of my one chance i will never be able to experience, because of the barriers in my own mind. we only have one life on this earth, and not being able to experience all of it is a curse more terrible than anything when you are aware of it.
to sit here, knowing that oblivion will claim me one day no matter what i do, and that my breif candle flame is burning posioned is something that angers me more than i can bare.
