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Doing nothing is not an option any more!

Panda

I've never really had much experience of relationships, and now I've met somone I really want to get to know better I can't carry on like this. It's likely going to be a complete disaster, but I'm already regretting doing nothing. 

I've known this person for over a year now, and waiting is not helping me - every time I see her I want to say something - anything - but never can, and always end up looking out of place, which isn't helped by the fact that she's shy and quiet as well. How is this going to work? Just doing nothing means I'm probably going to regret this for a very long time. :-( 

Any advice welcome. 

  • Normalish,  I like the idea and I have tried similar things before but it always ends up too far away from my action plan ad I lose the plot of the conversation very quickly - I'll give it another go if I can. Electra, small objectives is another good idea. We know each other through VI form, so a bit of both, but it's complicated by various other factors and events - I won't go into those here in the interests of confidentiality.

     As for waiting until Valentines day, let's just say I attempted something similar with flowers way too soon - much confusion there! Fortunately it wasn't interpreted in the wrong way and did no serious damage, as I think everyone knew I was a bit eccentric like that! 

  • If you can't wait til Valentine's Day to send a card, (that's what I did) I can't think of anything else.  Good luck with your attempts to get them!!

    M.

  • When do you see this person, is it as work or socially?

    Would you be able to smile at her the next time you see her and see how that goes?

    Taking that first step is hard so I do know where you're at.

  • I couldn't claim it as advice, but I can offer my... Method, I suppose, on similar situations. Maybe you could work it to suit...?

    More than anything, though, I feel your pain! It's so incredibly frustrating to feel that barrier there when you want to speak but just... Can't.

    I've realised now that whenever I want to speak to someone, or need to, I work a lot of it out in my head beforehand and enter into the conversation trying to keep control of it. In a way, I map out the route of the conversation - "I will ask them this, then I will say that, then I will ask them that..."

    This can be risky if they throw you off-track with a curveball or question, but by now I suppose I have a larger library of stock responses/behaviours to which I look. It also helps that most of the structure of my side of the conversation is interchangeable - for example, if I were interrupted or digressed from my path on one question, I recall another, perhaps more relevant one.

    It's very weird to both know I do this and recount it, yet do it so unconsciously out there in The Big Bad World 

    I sincerely wish you luck Panda! Let us know how it goes, whatever you do. Could you perhaps ask any NT friends or family what might be a good way to approach? Could they help with practical advice?