Learning/unlearning coping strategies

Hi Maia,

It is interesting to read your views and experiences.  I think it is not always as straight forward as it may seem, ie. those of us (like myself) who do copy others, may not have much understanding/insight.  When I first read about this style of coping I didn't identify with it at all as I don't 'fit in' that much, nor is it conscious a lot of the time.  I would say I fit into the 'active but odd' category.  I can't speak for anyone else, but my gradual attempt to imitate others has arisen through finding out that people don't want to be with me/build a relationship with me, when they want and are able to with others.  Therefore I watched those people, and noticed that they smile a lot and are positive, to I tried to be more like this, although a lot of it was subconscious.  However it has never worked in helping me fit in that much (although I can 'pass' enough to get a job, then end up not being what people expected as it was an act that I can't keep up).  Actually I would say it has done the opposite.  I am gaining insight into my behaviours through support I am receiving (as well as research and some self-analysis), before I hadn't a clue regarding why people didn't like me.  The way 'mimicking' is described can sound like a very sophisticated technique, when I think in reality it is not, at least for me.  I wonder what this is like for other autistic adults.  I sometimes think that the description of mimicking can be simplified, perhaps due to lack of research or understanding of how this actually works in practice.  I wonder if people who actually succeed at properly 'fitting in' would actually be classed as autistic...?  Surely at that point it would cease to be a 'significant difficulty'...?  I am interested to learn more about this.

I identify with a lot of the different descriptions you mention of adults, to varying extents, and I like Donna Williams' fruit salad analogy. ( www.donnawilliams.net/definition.0.html )

Hi Maia,

It is interesting to read your views and experiences.  I think it is not always as straight forward as it may seem, ie. those of us (like myself) who do copy others, may not have much understanding/insight.  When I first read about this style of coping I didn't identify with it at all as I don't 'fit in' that much, nor is it conscious a lot of the time.  I would say I fit into the 'active but odd' category.  I can't speak for anyone else, but my gradual attempt to imitate others has arisen through finding out that people don't want to be with me/build a relationship with me, when they want and are able to with others.  Therefore I watched those people, and noticed that they smile a lot and are positive, to I tried to be more like this, although a lot of it was subconscious.  However it has never worked in helping me fit in that much (although I can 'pass' enough to get a job, then end up not being what people expected as it was an act that I can't keep up).  Actually I would say it has done the opposite.  I am gaining insight into my behaviours through support I am receiving (as well as research and some self-analysis), before I hadn't a clue regarding why people didn't like me.  The way 'mimicking' is described can sound like a very sophisticated technique, when I think in reality it is not, at least for me.  I wonder what this is like for other autistic adults.  I sometimes think that the description of mimicking can be simplified, perhaps due to lack of research or understanding of how this actually works in practice.  I wonder if people who actually succeed at properly 'fitting in' would actually be classed as autistic...?  Surely at that point it would cease to be a 'significant difficulty'...?  I am interested to learn more about this.

I identify with a lot of the different descriptions you mention of adults, to varying extents, and I like Donna Williams' fruit salad analogy. ( www.donnawilliams.net/definition.0.html )