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Learning/unlearning coping strategies

belles12345

I am interested to discuss what coping strategies you have learnt (or unlearnt) since discovering you are autistic/have an ASC.  

I am in a period of trying to 'unlearn' (apologies if this is not a word...I'm tired to check right now) a specific strategy that has enabled me to get by in the world.  That is, pretending to be someone different to what I am, the person I want to be.  I am finding that by letting myself be myself, that I am starting to connect a little more with a few other people (albeit with many mistakes along the way and starting to feel like I have 'regressed' from my previous 'false self' that uses learned phrases to a point where I now feel barely capable of talking in a full sentence, but I think it's the best way and why should I feel ashamed of trying to be myself).

So if anyone would like to share their strategies for coping, both useful and otherwise, please do.

I hope this makes sense.

Parents

  • I had to unlearn a lot of redundant coping strategies when I got diagnosed. Certainly I did and still do a lot of acting out, which is artificial and not the real me, and it had the risk that people might perceive it as flippant.

    Nevertheless I think that acting is a necessary coping strategy. Not being able to read social situations properly, acting out scenarios that help me "read between the lines" is vital. You might consider refining rather than dropping the 'acting as if someone else' approach.

    The big redundant coping strategy I had to dismantle relates to strategies that fended off where someone noticed I was odd and started making an issue. Not knowing why this happened I would use elaborate attempts to deflect the attention. Another area of this was trying to keep within a very narrow path to avoid conflicts, which meant if something went wrong I'd have a terrible wobble and mess up for ages, until I got bacjk to that narrow and restrictive path.

    Knowing what aspergers does to me has helped me formulate simple and sensible ways of coping.

    What I do a lot is observe. I guess it is the scientist in me. I go into situations I find difficult, find a comfortable viewpoint and study the processes going on - where the worst background sounds come from, and where things are quieter - pubs, shopping malls, supermarkets, railway stations (where I have a lot of difficulty), busy streets and pavements near busy traffic, which seems to stress me out.

    I do this to find out how long I can tolerate an environment, what part of an environment is more comfortable, and at what point should I leave if it is starting to affect me. That way I don't avoid difficult environments. I manage them.

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  • I had to unlearn a lot of redundant coping strategies when I got diagnosed. Certainly I did and still do a lot of acting out, which is artificial and not the real me, and it had the risk that people might perceive it as flippant.

    Nevertheless I think that acting is a necessary coping strategy. Not being able to read social situations properly, acting out scenarios that help me "read between the lines" is vital. You might consider refining rather than dropping the 'acting as if someone else' approach.

    The big redundant coping strategy I had to dismantle relates to strategies that fended off where someone noticed I was odd and started making an issue. Not knowing why this happened I would use elaborate attempts to deflect the attention. Another area of this was trying to keep within a very narrow path to avoid conflicts, which meant if something went wrong I'd have a terrible wobble and mess up for ages, until I got bacjk to that narrow and restrictive path.

    Knowing what aspergers does to me has helped me formulate simple and sensible ways of coping.

    What I do a lot is observe. I guess it is the scientist in me. I go into situations I find difficult, find a comfortable viewpoint and study the processes going on - where the worst background sounds come from, and where things are quieter - pubs, shopping malls, supermarkets, railway stations (where I have a lot of difficulty), busy streets and pavements near busy traffic, which seems to stress me out.

    I do this to find out how long I can tolerate an environment, what part of an environment is more comfortable, and at what point should I leave if it is starting to affect me. That way I don't avoid difficult environments. I manage them.

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