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random

Hi,

Had an evening out in London to see a music event, I rarely go out may be 2,3 times a year, and have only been doing that for past 2-3 years.

Had a big problem with seating arrangement, discussed it over the phone when I booked my ticked and just was not what I expected when I turned up; I could not see anything of the musician I wanted to see play. 

I tried to enjoy the gig anyway, and afterwards there was a nice reception with drinks and can talk to musicians.

I have really wanted to talk to the musician, and hang around afterwards. Trying to get to speak to him, but get so wound up, and don't want to interupt when others are speaking, so patiently wait 20-30 minutes. The brief spells he seemed to be free, he was talking closely with his partner, and again I didn't want to interupt their personal time together.

Felt really bad, I wanted to talk about musical ideas I had in past which were inline with ideas and work he had done at a couple of previous concerts.

I just so annoyed with myself and would like to be a bit more forward. When I left the event, I bumped in to him and his partner, he was having a smoking break. I should have introduced myself there, but just couldnt push myself to do it and felt really bad.

It would have meant so much to me to have a brief conversation with him.

Just venting my frustration, I have been recently diagnosed with Aspergers

Parents

  • This is familiar territory, hoping to get a chance to speak to someone when everyone else is too.

    You may find it is your eye contact and facial expression and general body language letting you down. I have trouble getting served in bars or in shops for the same reason.

    I don't have obvious poor eye contact, so I'm told, but I'm not sure what that really means. When I'm talking to someone I mostly look at their mouth.

    But there is much more too it. When I have asked other people why they think I'm not getting across, it seems I'm usually sending messages like don't come near me, or I'm angry.

    In those sorts of situations, if my experience reads across, when you are waiting for your turn to speak, it doesn't look to that person or the people around him that you are waiting your turn. It probably looks more like you are about to attack him with a machete or you're beginning to have a heart attack.

    So it is not just that you don't feel it is the right time to butt in, you may not look as if you are trying to do so.

    And I don't think being forward would be the best policy anyway. I cannot get my distance right, or my pitch right. There's no guarantee meaningful speech will come out. And I know from feedback I don't look friendly, no matter how hard I try.

    Non-autistic people just seem to make the right stance and expression whereby the person they want to speak to notices them and comes over. For them it is not about being forward, rather about being receptive, even inviting, and safe to approach.

    With autism there is no way you can do that without a lot of practice and acting out. I try being as hospitable and cheery as possible and making a move as eaerly as possible - be the first to buttonhole him (ie get his attention and talk to him before anyone else gets a look in).

Reply

  • This is familiar territory, hoping to get a chance to speak to someone when everyone else is too.

    You may find it is your eye contact and facial expression and general body language letting you down. I have trouble getting served in bars or in shops for the same reason.

    I don't have obvious poor eye contact, so I'm told, but I'm not sure what that really means. When I'm talking to someone I mostly look at their mouth.

    But there is much more too it. When I have asked other people why they think I'm not getting across, it seems I'm usually sending messages like don't come near me, or I'm angry.

    In those sorts of situations, if my experience reads across, when you are waiting for your turn to speak, it doesn't look to that person or the people around him that you are waiting your turn. It probably looks more like you are about to attack him with a machete or you're beginning to have a heart attack.

    So it is not just that you don't feel it is the right time to butt in, you may not look as if you are trying to do so.

    And I don't think being forward would be the best policy anyway. I cannot get my distance right, or my pitch right. There's no guarantee meaningful speech will come out. And I know from feedback I don't look friendly, no matter how hard I try.

    Non-autistic people just seem to make the right stance and expression whereby the person they want to speak to notices them and comes over. For them it is not about being forward, rather about being receptive, even inviting, and safe to approach.

    With autism there is no way you can do that without a lot of practice and acting out. I try being as hospitable and cheery as possible and making a move as eaerly as possible - be the first to buttonhole him (ie get his attention and talk to him before anyone else gets a look in).

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