Dinner issues

I am way over the hill now but had huge issues eating dinner with my family when I was a teenager. My mother had a habit of cleaning her teeth with her tongue when she ate and it drove me insane. I couldnt stand that sound. On the rare occasions when I mentioned how I felt, everyone in the family (both parents and four siblings) turned on me in a malicious way. 

I never mentioned it again but avoided mealtimes at all costs and with any excuse. It resulted in years of tension and conflict.

It may be worth trying to have an honest (not confrontational) chat with your son to find out if there if there are any underlying issues he doesn't feel able to express? He may just be very sensitive to sounds.

Reading down and I think whilst you may want him to eat with you all, I actually think for his own happiness here - allow him to have his meals on his own when he wants to. There no reason why he shouldn't. Buy a tray and encourage him to carry his own meals to his room and bring the plate down when he comes down so you not doing any extra work. Happiness all round then. 

He may seem more isolated to you, but may be it what he needs after a full day of school where he can't go and shut himself off.

MY  PARNETS   AND  OLDER  BROTHER  DOESNT  ACCEPT   ME  TOO.

THEY SAY  binNG  AUTSTIC  IS  A SHAME..

If your so enjoys eating alone then i would leave him to it,hes happy everyoes happy,its not hurting anyone.

Aoch

I think it is just that your parents and older brother do not understand what it is like to be autistic  

Sometimes when people say 'it's a shame' they don't mean shameful in a nasty way, they mean it makes them feel a little bit sad, and I am sure your parents do love you, and your older brother does too.

Your younger brother accepts you for who you are, and that is good.

My nephew has autism and is 20 now, and it's been confusing at times for his mum and dad.

My daughter is being tested for autism, so I am still finding out a lot about it too.

hi Debs,

My teenage daughter would prefer to eat alone as she doesn't like the sound of other people chewing, or the cutlery on the plate, so it could be that your son has an issue with the sounds? You said he doesn't like his dad coughing so I wondered if he was sensitive to sounds?   

My daughter and I often eat at different times now, or if we do have a meal together I don't do any crunchy food, nor anything that makes a noise when it is eaten.  

But I've just come to live with the fact it is sometimes more comfortable for both of us to have meals at separate times. That way I can eat crunchy things and she doesn't shout at me.  Likewise she can eat her food in quietness.    

However she usually eats downstairs on her own while I am doing other things as I don't like her taking food to her bedroom.

Do you think your hubby may be on the spectrum too? We used to have really argumentative mealtimes but it is much better now that I understand that I (i.e. the father in the family) am different. We would always talk at cross purposes and things would spiral into arguments very easily. If two people at the table have problems communicating then it can only be worse.

Oh aoch.....that's awful.....we accept him for wot he is....It's trying get a balance

Between us all....dont give up.love x

 Sure they care .....It's hard all round....

Doesn't matter if your young old u still care

You didn't ask to be this way....your unique like our son x and all the other people with autism

I see now - a long fight for answers and your husband not accepting the answer (diagnosis). No wonder everyone is so stressed. I hope your husband can find a way to work through his difficulties of acceptance and adapting. It's clear you are doing your best to find out more information and to improve things.

I think in all truth....My husband doesn't fully accept that our son is Autistic

To be fair his 14years old...(our son)  its taken us 11years to be heard...by the expects.

It's very stressful here.....to be fair we only got our son diagnosed this year....not throughout lack of trying,believe me

We don't fully understand Austin....reading and trying understand it all.

It's a shock as years u struggle than u r told,yes your right after years and years being told other wise 

So from what you have described your son is not solely responsible for the conflict. As Aoch says, eating alone isn't (necessarily) a problem. It doesn't fit with what your husband wants. That leaves you in the middle wanting to find a way to resolve the conflict. So it's not an answer to your problem, but clarifying that the problem and responsibility does not sit with one individual member of the household. Sounds very stressful for you all.

i eat  alone  no  proeblems.

He wants to eat up stairs alone.

And my hubby says no as our son doesn't spend anytime with us at all

When he dose eat down here it's hard. As soon as his dad coughs our son goes into one

The environment may be too overwhelming for him. After school he may need time alone. What issues do you believe this is causing?