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Aspergers Syndrome- Dating and establishing a relationship

wash620
over 12 years ago
Hello,

I was wondering whether the autistics among us have ever experienced any issues with liking someone romantically, and trying to get to know them, dating them, and becoming closer etc. I've recently started to develop in this area and so far it has been a pretty miserable experience. I had a 10-month crush on a girl at my uni which sadly came to nothing because she entered into a relationship of her own just recently. Throughout this time I found it very difficult not to get preoccupied with this and there was constant confusion about what the other person felt. I think this relates a great deal to how people with Aspergers have trouble reading body language and knowing how to talk to others. There were mixed signals, although not intentional I don't think, and it was both thrilling to like someone but a bit of a hell with all this confusion. Despite the fact that I should be getting over her, it is proving difficult and she still invades my thoughts regularly. This makes me feel ashamed and wonder whether I am a selfish, pathetic individual. Does anyone here with Aspergers have any similar experiences?
Parents
  • over 12 years ago

    i know what you mean jointhechase

    even as an nt i have things that i [probably] wont get better from, you just have to learn to accept it as part of who you are

    i think its better you have a diagnosis (or even just an idea of whats wrong) so you can then deal with it

    of course a boy will like you, you might not be aware of it but lots probably already have, autism means you are less able to tell they like you, so you might not be picking up those 'social cues' that neurotypicals (non autistics) use when they like someone

    that might be annoying to learn, but now that you know that, you can learn more about it, ie via body language etc

    if you dont see yourself as relationship material then thats part of the problem, you have to accept yourself and that you ARE relationship material, every person is, but its what kinda person you are meant to be with that is the real issue

    and then finding them of course, which is usually more difficult if you dont socialise much and when you do you cant tell what someones thinking becaue you dont read social cues, and i really think learning things about people and body language might help you there (i admit im biased, i love all that stuffLaughing)

Reply
  • over 12 years ago

    i know what you mean jointhechase

    even as an nt i have things that i [probably] wont get better from, you just have to learn to accept it as part of who you are

    i think its better you have a diagnosis (or even just an idea of whats wrong) so you can then deal with it

    of course a boy will like you, you might not be aware of it but lots probably already have, autism means you are less able to tell they like you, so you might not be picking up those 'social cues' that neurotypicals (non autistics) use when they like someone

    that might be annoying to learn, but now that you know that, you can learn more about it, ie via body language etc

    if you dont see yourself as relationship material then thats part of the problem, you have to accept yourself and that you ARE relationship material, every person is, but its what kinda person you are meant to be with that is the real issue

    and then finding them of course, which is usually more difficult if you dont socialise much and when you do you cant tell what someones thinking becaue you dont read social cues, and i really think learning things about people and body language might help you there (i admit im biased, i love all that stuffLaughing)

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