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Aspergers Syndrome- Dating and establishing a relationship

wash620
over 12 years ago
Hello,

I was wondering whether the autistics among us have ever experienced any issues with liking someone romantically, and trying to get to know them, dating them, and becoming closer etc. I've recently started to develop in this area and so far it has been a pretty miserable experience. I had a 10-month crush on a girl at my uni which sadly came to nothing because she entered into a relationship of her own just recently. Throughout this time I found it very difficult not to get preoccupied with this and there was constant confusion about what the other person felt. I think this relates a great deal to how people with Aspergers have trouble reading body language and knowing how to talk to others. There were mixed signals, although not intentional I don't think, and it was both thrilling to like someone but a bit of a hell with all this confusion. Despite the fact that I should be getting over her, it is proving difficult and she still invades my thoughts regularly. This makes me feel ashamed and wonder whether I am a selfish, pathetic individual. Does anyone here with Aspergers have any similar experiences?
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  • over 12 years ago

    JoinTheChase said:

    The annoying thing that I've observed is that Aspie traits in boys - whilst a struggle - can often come across as vulnerable and sweet, which can appeal to girls, but Aspie traits in girls usually make them come off as abrasive or sarcastic etc...  so I almost feel like Aspie boys would find it easier to find a nice girl than Aspie girls would to find a nice boy.... please tell me I'm wrong lol

    If only it were that simple.

    [/quote]

    I'm sure it's not. I'm sure it's just the way it's portrayed in movies and stuff because it suits their stories... 

    [/quote]

    It may be partly that.

    However, if you interview both men and women, and ask them about (A) the type of person they most wish to form a long-term relationship with, and (B) the type of person they most wish to date. The answers, on average, for (A) and (B) will be the complete opposite of each other.

    So, whilst it's true that men with Asperger's have most of the traits that women, on average, look for in a husband, for example, they're also the least likely to get dates.

    I dare say the same applies to women with Asperger's too.

    Oh, and, just incidentally, I find non-girly women far more attractive than very-girly women (and I've known of several other men with similar tastes to myself), so don't lose hope!

    (and, speaking of 'hope' - @Hope: if you read this, yes I'm talking about averages, and stereotypes, that does not mean I think that all women, or all men for that matter, conform rigidly to those average stereotypes - they're just statistical mean averages!)

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  • over 12 years ago

    JoinTheChase said:

    The annoying thing that I've observed is that Aspie traits in boys - whilst a struggle - can often come across as vulnerable and sweet, which can appeal to girls, but Aspie traits in girls usually make them come off as abrasive or sarcastic etc...  so I almost feel like Aspie boys would find it easier to find a nice girl than Aspie girls would to find a nice boy.... please tell me I'm wrong lol

    If only it were that simple.

    [/quote]

    I'm sure it's not. I'm sure it's just the way it's portrayed in movies and stuff because it suits their stories... 

    [/quote]

    It may be partly that.

    However, if you interview both men and women, and ask them about (A) the type of person they most wish to form a long-term relationship with, and (B) the type of person they most wish to date. The answers, on average, for (A) and (B) will be the complete opposite of each other.

    So, whilst it's true that men with Asperger's have most of the traits that women, on average, look for in a husband, for example, they're also the least likely to get dates.

    I dare say the same applies to women with Asperger's too.

    Oh, and, just incidentally, I find non-girly women far more attractive than very-girly women (and I've known of several other men with similar tastes to myself), so don't lose hope!

    (and, speaking of 'hope' - @Hope: if you read this, yes I'm talking about averages, and stereotypes, that does not mean I think that all women, or all men for that matter, conform rigidly to those average stereotypes - they're just statistical mean averages!)

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