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Aspergers Syndrome- Dating and establishing a relationship

wash620
over 12 years ago
Hello,

I was wondering whether the autistics among us have ever experienced any issues with liking someone romantically, and trying to get to know them, dating them, and becoming closer etc. I've recently started to develop in this area and so far it has been a pretty miserable experience. I had a 10-month crush on a girl at my uni which sadly came to nothing because she entered into a relationship of her own just recently. Throughout this time I found it very difficult not to get preoccupied with this and there was constant confusion about what the other person felt. I think this relates a great deal to how people with Aspergers have trouble reading body language and knowing how to talk to others. There were mixed signals, although not intentional I don't think, and it was both thrilling to like someone but a bit of a hell with all this confusion. Despite the fact that I should be getting over her, it is proving difficult and she still invades my thoughts regularly. This makes me feel ashamed and wonder whether I am a selfish, pathetic individual. Does anyone here with Aspergers have any similar experiences?
Parents
  • over 12 years ago

    Yeah, same problem here...

    My theory is, you need to be able to tell that something you said or did made the other person happy or sad. This knowledge guides you confidently how to keep this person's interest, AND it makes you automatically feel good when you are with this person. (I guess!) But if you can't tell the difference you end up doing random things, and the potential crush gets annoyed and leaves.

    @KaloJaro, I never know what to do in these superficial "flirt" situations either! If NTs are allegedly oh so good at reading people, why can't they tell it's 100% obvious that a person is not interested in them?!

    Are we not only "not receiving the right messages", but also "sending completely wrong messages"...?!

    I honestly gave up long ago. Why not just stay alone, what's the difference?

Reply
  • over 12 years ago

    Yeah, same problem here...

    My theory is, you need to be able to tell that something you said or did made the other person happy or sad. This knowledge guides you confidently how to keep this person's interest, AND it makes you automatically feel good when you are with this person. (I guess!) But if you can't tell the difference you end up doing random things, and the potential crush gets annoyed and leaves.

    @KaloJaro, I never know what to do in these superficial "flirt" situations either! If NTs are allegedly oh so good at reading people, why can't they tell it's 100% obvious that a person is not interested in them?!

    Are we not only "not receiving the right messages", but also "sending completely wrong messages"...?!

    I honestly gave up long ago. Why not just stay alone, what's the difference?

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