Skip to main content
Close Button
Donate
  • Replies 29 replies
  • Subscribers 97 subscribers
  • Views 8473 views
  • Users 0 members are here
Options
Related
Hints and tips
  • To quote someone's message, first select/highlight the relevant text, and then use the Quote button that appears
  • To "mention" someone, type @ followed by the start of the forum name, and choose from the list; that person will get a notification of being mentioned

Aspergers Syndrome- Dating and establishing a relationship

wash620
over 12 years ago
Hello,

I was wondering whether the autistics among us have ever experienced any issues with liking someone romantically, and trying to get to know them, dating them, and becoming closer etc. I've recently started to develop in this area and so far it has been a pretty miserable experience. I had a 10-month crush on a girl at my uni which sadly came to nothing because she entered into a relationship of her own just recently. Throughout this time I found it very difficult not to get preoccupied with this and there was constant confusion about what the other person felt. I think this relates a great deal to how people with Aspergers have trouble reading body language and knowing how to talk to others. There were mixed signals, although not intentional I don't think, and it was both thrilling to like someone but a bit of a hell with all this confusion. Despite the fact that I should be getting over her, it is proving difficult and she still invades my thoughts regularly. This makes me feel ashamed and wonder whether I am a selfish, pathetic individual. Does anyone here with Aspergers have any similar experiences?
Parents
  • over 12 years ago

    I just wanted to briefly add my experience to the mix.

    As with everyone else here relationships have been very difficult. I have no idea how to flirt or if a girl is flirting with me. Any relationship I had would end in frustation on their side at the lack of emotion, support and romance I showed. I think now I am a bit older (27) we are all a bit more adult and it is easier. Young girls make no sense at all....

    The best advice I can offer is (which is quite a common one) dont go looking for it. Dont dress up and go out looking, the stress is causes puts you in no state to achive anything and you are quite unlikly to find a relationship with this method.

    In the end I randomly met a girl through work and I liked her straight away. She was interested in the things I had to say ( or at least pretended to be!) she was intelligent and good looking too. There was no way I was going to ask someone out so a simple "want to watch a dvd sometime?" was the start of it. That way I dont have to go out to the cinema and I can be at home where I feel most comfortable.  Weeks went by of just hanging out watching films and the odd drink in a quiet pub.

    Now its 3 years down the line and we are engaged! It's also thanks to her that I am currently under diagnosis for a ASD! I spent a few years before I met my fiance really stressing about relationships and trying everything to find someone. It was only when I let it go it happened.

    I am alright looking and keep myself tidy. I dont have flashy clothes (all I see clothes as is a means to keep warm) or much money at all, but I am just myself as thats all I can be. She accepted me for who I was and all the quirks that come with me.

Reply
  • over 12 years ago

    I just wanted to briefly add my experience to the mix.

    As with everyone else here relationships have been very difficult. I have no idea how to flirt or if a girl is flirting with me. Any relationship I had would end in frustation on their side at the lack of emotion, support and romance I showed. I think now I am a bit older (27) we are all a bit more adult and it is easier. Young girls make no sense at all....

    The best advice I can offer is (which is quite a common one) dont go looking for it. Dont dress up and go out looking, the stress is causes puts you in no state to achive anything and you are quite unlikly to find a relationship with this method.

    In the end I randomly met a girl through work and I liked her straight away. She was interested in the things I had to say ( or at least pretended to be!) she was intelligent and good looking too. There was no way I was going to ask someone out so a simple "want to watch a dvd sometime?" was the start of it. That way I dont have to go out to the cinema and I can be at home where I feel most comfortable.  Weeks went by of just hanging out watching films and the odd drink in a quiet pub.

    Now its 3 years down the line and we are engaged! It's also thanks to her that I am currently under diagnosis for a ASD! I spent a few years before I met my fiance really stressing about relationships and trying everything to find someone. It was only when I let it go it happened.

    I am alright looking and keep myself tidy. I dont have flashy clothes (all I see clothes as is a means to keep warm) or much money at all, but I am just myself as thats all I can be. She accepted me for who I was and all the quirks that come with me.

Children
No Data