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Aspergers Syndrome- Dating and establishing a relationship

wash620
over 12 years ago
Hello,

I was wondering whether the autistics among us have ever experienced any issues with liking someone romantically, and trying to get to know them, dating them, and becoming closer etc. I've recently started to develop in this area and so far it has been a pretty miserable experience. I had a 10-month crush on a girl at my uni which sadly came to nothing because she entered into a relationship of her own just recently. Throughout this time I found it very difficult not to get preoccupied with this and there was constant confusion about what the other person felt. I think this relates a great deal to how people with Aspergers have trouble reading body language and knowing how to talk to others. There were mixed signals, although not intentional I don't think, and it was both thrilling to like someone but a bit of a hell with all this confusion. Despite the fact that I should be getting over her, it is proving difficult and she still invades my thoughts regularly. This makes me feel ashamed and wonder whether I am a selfish, pathetic individual. Does anyone here with Aspergers have any similar experiences?
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  • over 12 years ago

    Relationships have kind of happened to me in the past.  You simply have to place yourself in non work places where you meet people repeatedly and are able to demonstrate attractive qualities, e.g. wealth, fitness, energy, fashion sense.  Generally if you do this then people will find you and choose you for their own.

    Exactly how to engineer such circumstances I could not say; they simply happened to me at the time due to the flats that I rented.  I suppose always choosing shared accommodation helps.  The problem is that it is far easier to choose accommodation that does not require having to meet people to arrange shared commitments, especially given that I would far prefer to have my own place.

    Of course, maintaining the relationship is the difficult thing.  I think the only reason my last relationship lasted so long was because the other party despite having never suspected any kind of differences, in fact positively rejecting the idea of being anything other than normal, was quite happy to not see me for months at a time.  In fact she was even more distant than me.

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  • over 12 years ago

    Relationships have kind of happened to me in the past.  You simply have to place yourself in non work places where you meet people repeatedly and are able to demonstrate attractive qualities, e.g. wealth, fitness, energy, fashion sense.  Generally if you do this then people will find you and choose you for their own.

    Exactly how to engineer such circumstances I could not say; they simply happened to me at the time due to the flats that I rented.  I suppose always choosing shared accommodation helps.  The problem is that it is far easier to choose accommodation that does not require having to meet people to arrange shared commitments, especially given that I would far prefer to have my own place.

    Of course, maintaining the relationship is the difficult thing.  I think the only reason my last relationship lasted so long was because the other party despite having never suspected any kind of differences, in fact positively rejecting the idea of being anything other than normal, was quite happy to not see me for months at a time.  In fact she was even more distant than me.

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