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Aspergers Syndrome- Dating and establishing a relationship

wash620
over 12 years ago
Hello,

I was wondering whether the autistics among us have ever experienced any issues with liking someone romantically, and trying to get to know them, dating them, and becoming closer etc. I've recently started to develop in this area and so far it has been a pretty miserable experience. I had a 10-month crush on a girl at my uni which sadly came to nothing because she entered into a relationship of her own just recently. Throughout this time I found it very difficult not to get preoccupied with this and there was constant confusion about what the other person felt. I think this relates a great deal to how people with Aspergers have trouble reading body language and knowing how to talk to others. There were mixed signals, although not intentional I don't think, and it was both thrilling to like someone but a bit of a hell with all this confusion. Despite the fact that I should be getting over her, it is proving difficult and she still invades my thoughts regularly. This makes me feel ashamed and wonder whether I am a selfish, pathetic individual. Does anyone here with Aspergers have any similar experiences?
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  • over 12 years ago

    Sorry, I realise I just tumbled into a monologue again!

    To answer your question wash620, yes I have been in the same situation as you. I have tried to approach someone I was attracted to in a subtle way, but it just comes across as creepy, e.g. Facebook messages.

    I do get hung up on certain people I like, and this is where we go wrong. To have the confidence to approach people in a casual way is the ideal situation, everyone would feel relaxed. But if you have AS this is a lot easier said than done.

    Perhaps an option would be to try and socialise as much as possible, so that you maximise the number of people you could be attracted to, instead of just the same person the whole time. The snowball effect could help you to approach relationships in a less intense way. If you eventually become known as a fairly outgoing, friendly, sociable person, then maybe the relationship will find you. People generally don't like anything intense. I'm a very intense person, it's part of my personality. So that's a cross I will have to bear, hence still looking for Miss Right.

    It's not easy...

Reply
  • over 12 years ago

    Sorry, I realise I just tumbled into a monologue again!

    To answer your question wash620, yes I have been in the same situation as you. I have tried to approach someone I was attracted to in a subtle way, but it just comes across as creepy, e.g. Facebook messages.

    I do get hung up on certain people I like, and this is where we go wrong. To have the confidence to approach people in a casual way is the ideal situation, everyone would feel relaxed. But if you have AS this is a lot easier said than done.

    Perhaps an option would be to try and socialise as much as possible, so that you maximise the number of people you could be attracted to, instead of just the same person the whole time. The snowball effect could help you to approach relationships in a less intense way. If you eventually become known as a fairly outgoing, friendly, sociable person, then maybe the relationship will find you. People generally don't like anything intense. I'm a very intense person, it's part of my personality. So that's a cross I will have to bear, hence still looking for Miss Right.

    It's not easy...

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