Aspergers Syndrome- Dating and establishing a relationship

This is all great insight from you guys, and it's so good to hear it from someone else. 

The fact is, unfortunately, people with AS generally lack that intuitive empathy and ability to talk nonsense that most NT people need as an essential social lubricant. I can't stop myself tumbling into an in-depth monologue on subjects that interest me. This is an instant turn-off for most people. Most NTs are attracted to people who can have a laugh (at themselves most importantly), and who can go with the flow, have fun.

My upbringing was fine on the surface, but totally lacking in any meaningful emotional interaction within the family. I never learned how to relate to people within my family. If you don't learn it at that early stage, it will be extremely difficult to pick it up later on.

Now I can see why I have struggled to sustain relationships, the problem stemming from a distant relationship with my parents, most critically with my mum. Looking back, it is so obvious that AS has been in my family for generations.

I was diagnosed AS at 34, I'm now 39.5! People I meet just don't feel comfortable in my company, they can just sense my 'issues' without me saying a word. Then I open my mouth and it's game over. My special interests (not outlandish ones - music, hillwalking) have now taken over the role of companion, and people know it.  I used to be able to form relationships, but just couldn't sustain them. Now I can't even form them.

So I've come to the conclusion that it's best to stick to your interests and try to make contact with potential partners through that context, fingers crossed. If you have AS, you are living daily life on an uneven playing field, and that will never change. Music is a fundamental part of who I am, so the idea of spending the rest of my life with someone for whom music means little or nothing is just not an option. 

Call me picky, but I've gone to the ends of the earth to try and go with the flow, be flexible and it doesn't work, not for someone like me. I'm sticking to my strengths, studying music - that way even if I have to live the rest of my life alone, at least I'll have something to show for my loneliness...

AS has pretty much messed everything up for me, but to throw in the towel would just be too tragic.

This is all great insight from you guys, and it's so good to hear it from someone else. 

The fact is, unfortunately, people with AS generally lack that intuitive empathy and ability to talk nonsense that most NT people need as an essential social lubricant. I can't stop myself tumbling into an in-depth monologue on subjects that interest me. This is an instant turn-off for most people. Most NTs are attracted to people who can have a laugh (at themselves most importantly), and who can go with the flow, have fun.

My upbringing was fine on the surface, but totally lacking in any meaningful emotional interaction within the family. I never learned how to relate to people within my family. If you don't learn it at that early stage, it will be extremely difficult to pick it up later on.

Now I can see why I have struggled to sustain relationships, the problem stemming from a distant relationship with my parents, most critically with my mum. Looking back, it is so obvious that AS has been in my family for generations.

I was diagnosed AS at 34, I'm now 39.5! People I meet just don't feel comfortable in my company, they can just sense my 'issues' without me saying a word. Then I open my mouth and it's game over. My special interests (not outlandish ones - music, hillwalking) have now taken over the role of companion, and people know it.  I used to be able to form relationships, but just couldn't sustain them. Now I can't even form them.

So I've come to the conclusion that it's best to stick to your interests and try to make contact with potential partners through that context, fingers crossed. If you have AS, you are living daily life on an uneven playing field, and that will never change. Music is a fundamental part of who I am, so the idea of spending the rest of my life with someone for whom music means little or nothing is just not an option. 

Call me picky, but I've gone to the ends of the earth to try and go with the flow, be flexible and it doesn't work, not for someone like me. I'm sticking to my strengths, studying music - that way even if I have to live the rest of my life alone, at least I'll have something to show for my loneliness...

AS has pretty much messed everything up for me, but to throw in the towel would just be too tragic.