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Aspergers Syndrome- Dating and establishing a relationship

wash620
over 12 years ago
Hello,

I was wondering whether the autistics among us have ever experienced any issues with liking someone romantically, and trying to get to know them, dating them, and becoming closer etc. I've recently started to develop in this area and so far it has been a pretty miserable experience. I had a 10-month crush on a girl at my uni which sadly came to nothing because she entered into a relationship of her own just recently. Throughout this time I found it very difficult not to get preoccupied with this and there was constant confusion about what the other person felt. I think this relates a great deal to how people with Aspergers have trouble reading body language and knowing how to talk to others. There were mixed signals, although not intentional I don't think, and it was both thrilling to like someone but a bit of a hell with all this confusion. Despite the fact that I should be getting over her, it is proving difficult and she still invades my thoughts regularly. This makes me feel ashamed and wonder whether I am a selfish, pathetic individual. Does anyone here with Aspergers have any similar experiences?
Parents
  • over 12 years ago

    I think it is important to accept that as an Aspie, you are different from NTs, and in my experience, the only relationships worth pursuing are with very unusual NTs. If the person is unusual you can tell them right away that you are not into all this "unspoken" stuff and you want to be straigthforward and just say what you want/like/think about the relationship.

    Of course, as an Aspie you will have to be as thoughtful as you can about the other person and their feelings, but it is impossible to have a lasting relationship with another person if you have to be acting NT all the time, eventually it will become mentally exhausting.

    So, I would say it is important to guard against obsessions (in the sense that they will happen, but recognise them for what they are), and try and find someone to really connect with as your true Aspie self.

Reply
  • over 12 years ago

    I think it is important to accept that as an Aspie, you are different from NTs, and in my experience, the only relationships worth pursuing are with very unusual NTs. If the person is unusual you can tell them right away that you are not into all this "unspoken" stuff and you want to be straigthforward and just say what you want/like/think about the relationship.

    Of course, as an Aspie you will have to be as thoughtful as you can about the other person and their feelings, but it is impossible to have a lasting relationship with another person if you have to be acting NT all the time, eventually it will become mentally exhausting.

    So, I would say it is important to guard against obsessions (in the sense that they will happen, but recognise them for what they are), and try and find someone to really connect with as your true Aspie self.

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