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overthinking

asparagus

Hello

I call it this because once I heard it on TV a very long time ago and it sounded as though it something I do actually do and when Apserger's was mooted to me a few year ago and was diagnosed last year with Autism. This is one of the areas where I say to someone I trust I hate autism. 

Tell me something serious, I blink but take it well. Tell me off, quite properly, for something so small I can overthink it. About a month ago I realised the change from knowing it autism to how would have handled it in the past. In the past, if that person had told me off, I would have possibly walked out on her, gone home and not shown up for a few weeks and chuntered to it for myself lasting for about six weeks. This incident I was able to go and seek help elsewhere and a gentle chat about it that moved into relatively normal conversation and went home okay about it as such.

This weekend I had a really good conversation with someone on Friday. In that conversation he pointed out so calmly, I think about comments way to much. Hmm part of my overthinking. The rest of the conversation including that went well. Friday evening was okay. By Saturday though I had remembered he had said this one bit. Of which I knew because I tell 'him' I overthink, and he will know from my contact with him it something I do. So how come I managed to overthink the overthinking.  I didn't argue back or anything at the time. I just nodded because I know I do so.

The comments I end up overthinking, I don't choose them. They can be good comments and I have to go around and around wondering what they might actaully mean. Why did he say it so kind? Or it can be a negative comment in my mind and chunter about it around and around. This person is my support so at least I can offload in my way to them and did so through the whole weekend.  Good things happened in that conversation but somehow my brain not focusing on that. I nearly recovered as such.

But does anyone else have overthinking comments? Can you actually choose what you overthink. This morning he did make a very helpful suggestion in if am going to overthink then choose to think on.... but is it as easy as that?  In the email I sent I know I had done exactly what he told me I do. Take a comment and way over think it. So why I did so when I know I do so. He wasn't correcting me or anything. 

But how do you deal with overthinking.

Parents

  • Hi Asparagus, You say "and that Love seems more critical of each other than if we didn't know each other." I have never encountered critisism on a personal level, within the church. We had our sermons etc which advised on how to live, but no one ever commented on MY behaviour, appearance, or any other aspect of MY life. It was left to each individual to understand what they could from the rector's words, and it was never on a personal level. Advice was always general, and it was left to each of us to see how it applied to us personally.

    We are on a road through life, in which we discover ourselves and the best way to live happily with those arround us. There is no single right way, it depends on each person, their life and circumstances. We change slowly and gradually. The church needs to be a tollerant community, accepting, in particular, those whose lives need change. Take for example, someone who has been a shoplifter for many years. If they go into a shop one day and say to themselves, today I will pay for everything, then they have progressed and God will be delighted. They may then swear at someone or do ten other things wrong, but they have still achieved a lot for them personally and deserve encouragement, not critisim. If these people encounter critisism, they will feel inadequate and unlovable. It is for our conscience to put us right, not other people.

    "Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things" etc etc. My suggestion was that you stop thinking that others are critisising you. If they say to you 'Asparagus, you should not have done that', they have no right to, "Judge not, that ye be not judged". So, you should be able to assume that they are not critising you. If there is any doubt about it, assume they are not being critical, because they should not be critical. Believe they would not treat you like that, because they respect you and love you and want you to grow at your own pace.

    Go in peace Smile

Reply

  • Hi Asparagus, You say "and that Love seems more critical of each other than if we didn't know each other." I have never encountered critisism on a personal level, within the church. We had our sermons etc which advised on how to live, but no one ever commented on MY behaviour, appearance, or any other aspect of MY life. It was left to each individual to understand what they could from the rector's words, and it was never on a personal level. Advice was always general, and it was left to each of us to see how it applied to us personally.

    We are on a road through life, in which we discover ourselves and the best way to live happily with those arround us. There is no single right way, it depends on each person, their life and circumstances. We change slowly and gradually. The church needs to be a tollerant community, accepting, in particular, those whose lives need change. Take for example, someone who has been a shoplifter for many years. If they go into a shop one day and say to themselves, today I will pay for everything, then they have progressed and God will be delighted. They may then swear at someone or do ten other things wrong, but they have still achieved a lot for them personally and deserve encouragement, not critisim. If these people encounter critisism, they will feel inadequate and unlovable. It is for our conscience to put us right, not other people.

    "Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things" etc etc. My suggestion was that you stop thinking that others are critisising you. If they say to you 'Asparagus, you should not have done that', they have no right to, "Judge not, that ye be not judged". So, you should be able to assume that they are not critising you. If there is any doubt about it, assume they are not being critical, because they should not be critical. Believe they would not treat you like that, because they respect you and love you and want you to grow at your own pace.

    Go in peace Smile

Children
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