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overthinking

asparagus

Hello

I call it this because once I heard it on TV a very long time ago and it sounded as though it something I do actually do and when Apserger's was mooted to me a few year ago and was diagnosed last year with Autism. This is one of the areas where I say to someone I trust I hate autism. 

Tell me something serious, I blink but take it well. Tell me off, quite properly, for something so small I can overthink it. About a month ago I realised the change from knowing it autism to how would have handled it in the past. In the past, if that person had told me off, I would have possibly walked out on her, gone home and not shown up for a few weeks and chuntered to it for myself lasting for about six weeks. This incident I was able to go and seek help elsewhere and a gentle chat about it that moved into relatively normal conversation and went home okay about it as such.

This weekend I had a really good conversation with someone on Friday. In that conversation he pointed out so calmly, I think about comments way to much. Hmm part of my overthinking. The rest of the conversation including that went well. Friday evening was okay. By Saturday though I had remembered he had said this one bit. Of which I knew because I tell 'him' I overthink, and he will know from my contact with him it something I do. So how come I managed to overthink the overthinking.  I didn't argue back or anything at the time. I just nodded because I know I do so.

The comments I end up overthinking, I don't choose them. They can be good comments and I have to go around and around wondering what they might actaully mean. Why did he say it so kind? Or it can be a negative comment in my mind and chunter about it around and around. This person is my support so at least I can offload in my way to them and did so through the whole weekend.  Good things happened in that conversation but somehow my brain not focusing on that. I nearly recovered as such.

But does anyone else have overthinking comments? Can you actually choose what you overthink. This morning he did make a very helpful suggestion in if am going to overthink then choose to think on.... but is it as easy as that?  In the email I sent I know I had done exactly what he told me I do. Take a comment and way over think it. So why I did so when I know I do so. He wasn't correcting me or anything. 

But how do you deal with overthinking.

Parents

  • I think social referencing is relevant here. I store up everything people say to me in the day and the facial expressions, then start to analyse them, when I am alone.

    Each look, gesture and comment has some meaning, but what? There are so many permutations. It can go on for days, sometimes. I tend to assume that everything that happens when I am present, relates to me, but it doesn't and I have to force myself to remember that other people have their own problems and issues that do not relate to me. Hence if they are frowning, it may be that I have annoyed them, or it may be that they have indigestion, or they just received a large bill, or some such thing that does not affect me. If I have annoyed them, I must work out how, and how to put it right.

    NT people tend to use hints, rather than saying what they mean, especially if it is critical. I seldon understand hints, straight away, if ever. People then think that I am either stupid, or being awkward or stubborn, but I just latch on way to late, much of the time.

    Life for me is one long cryptic crossword puzzle. One wrong answer makes other parts unanswerable. I don't like a part finished crossword, so I constantly persue the complete answer.

    I seek constantly to understand those around me, but why do I bother, when they make so little effort to understand me.

Reply

  • I think social referencing is relevant here. I store up everything people say to me in the day and the facial expressions, then start to analyse them, when I am alone.

    Each look, gesture and comment has some meaning, but what? There are so many permutations. It can go on for days, sometimes. I tend to assume that everything that happens when I am present, relates to me, but it doesn't and I have to force myself to remember that other people have their own problems and issues that do not relate to me. Hence if they are frowning, it may be that I have annoyed them, or it may be that they have indigestion, or they just received a large bill, or some such thing that does not affect me. If I have annoyed them, I must work out how, and how to put it right.

    NT people tend to use hints, rather than saying what they mean, especially if it is critical. I seldon understand hints, straight away, if ever. People then think that I am either stupid, or being awkward or stubborn, but I just latch on way to late, much of the time.

    Life for me is one long cryptic crossword puzzle. One wrong answer makes other parts unanswerable. I don't like a part finished crossword, so I constantly persue the complete answer.

    I seek constantly to understand those around me, but why do I bother, when they make so little effort to understand me.

Children
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