Hi.. Sorry that this mighth appear as a bit of a moan but I just need somewhere to empty my head where people might actually understand...
im a successful woman, in a successful career so far that I've worked hard to build... but recently, I've also been told I am on the spectrum (albeit high functioning)
i to have my advantages, which have progressed my career.. Such as my ability to absorb and learn information down to a pinpoint detail, my technical ability and love of code and technology, and I'm now a successful people manager of 14 people.. but I do have social issues - not with the team of people I manage, as I go "into character" as I have a role to play and business guidelines and HR policies to meet, but when it comes to being part Of my own peer group I feel awkward and don't know what people are thinking and I've always been very open about feeling that way and my peer group don't see it as an issue, In fact for the most part they're very good. However, my line manager, who once rated me very highly and gave me a lot of extra responsibilities and relied on me a lot, appears to see me very differently since I've chosen to disclose to him about my ASD. My "behaviours" are a problem such as I like to sit in a specific desk near the edge of the office with my team, because I'm "isolating myself" (but actually I really like it because it feels nice and "safe" there and is near a quiet place I can go if I start to feel anxious or overloaded). He's also set me objectives to go outside of my comfort Zone and actively try and make more of an effort to stop actually doing my work and go and "socialise" with my peers even though its not massively key to me completing my daily role... And that "I shouldn't use aspergers as an excuse to not do what other people do"
at at the time, I accepted these challenges because I felt like I needed to prove that I'm not a special case And am still the same person I was with the same capability as before he found out, in fact I've always had these social issues its just I've not been open witj him about them, but now his perception appears to have changed of me and I'm sat here thinking why do I need to change if I've been seen as successful like this before? Surely the perception needs to change, not me?
im actually at the point now where I feel as though I need to leave the department and transfer to another one where I am known for my work and not my disability, just to progress and have my job satisfaction back. And it makes me sad because I love my team, but at the same time, maybe it's an opportunity to put my good skills that actually ASD has blessed me with to good use?
has anyome else been in a similar situation at work?
Sorry its its a big ramble.. I just had a lot of stuff in my head I just needed to get out...
Aspi xx
