• Replies 5 replies
  • Subscribers 79 subscribers
  • Views 1457 views
  • Users 0 members are here
Options
Related
Hints and tips
  • To quote someone's message, first select/highlight the relevant text, and then use the Quote button that appears
  • To "mention" someone, type @ followed by the start of the forum name, and choose from the list; that person will get a notification of being mentioned

Feeling down about work :(

Aspidancer1986

Hi.. Sorry that this mighth appear as a bit of a moan but I just need somewhere to empty my head where people might actually understand...

im a successful woman, in a successful career so far that I've worked hard to build... but recently, I've also been told I am on the spectrum (albeit high functioning)

i to have my advantages, which have progressed my career.. Such as my ability to absorb and learn information down to a pinpoint detail, my technical ability and love of code and technology, and I'm now a successful people manager of 14 people.. but I do have social issues - not with the team of people I manage, as I go "into character" as I have a role to play and business guidelines and HR policies to meet, but when it comes to being part Of my own peer group I feel awkward and don't know what people are thinking and I've always been very open about feeling that way and my peer group don't see it as an issue, In fact for the most part they're very good. However, my line manager, who once rated me very highly and gave me a lot of extra responsibilities and relied on me a lot, appears to see me very differently since I've chosen to disclose to him about my ASD.  My "behaviours" are a problem such as I like to sit in a specific desk near the edge of the office with my team, because I'm "isolating myself" (but actually I really like it because it feels nice and "safe" there and is near a quiet place I can go if I start to feel anxious or overloaded). He's also set me objectives to go outside of my comfort Zone and actively try and make more of an effort to stop actually doing my work and go and "socialise" with my peers even though its not massively key to me completing my daily role... And that "I shouldn't use aspergers as an excuse to not do what other people do" 

at at the time, I accepted these challenges because I felt like I needed to prove that I'm not a special case And am still the same person I was with the same capability as before he found out, in fact I've always had these social issues its just I've not been open witj him about them, but now his perception appears to have changed of me and I'm sat here thinking why do I need to change if I've been seen as successful like this before? Surely the perception needs to change, not me?

im actually at the point now where I feel as though I need to leave the department and transfer to another one where I am known for my work and not my disability, just to progress and have my job satisfaction back. And it makes me sad because I love my team, but at the same time, maybe it's an opportunity to put my good skills that actually ASD has blessed me with to good use? 

has anyome else been in a similar situation at work? 

Sorry its its a big ramble.. I just had a lot of stuff in my head I just needed to get out...

Aspi xx

Parents

  • I thought I should expand on this business of the Triad.

    I took the second page of NAS on What is Autism? - where they give illustrations of each of the three aspects of the Triad. Now this defines more marked autism. In such situations people may largely be governed by carers and family around them, and less so the wider world. What about people who are better able to go about in the real world - to what point is this explanation valid?

    Granted this is different from the definitions used for employment, but these definitions are more likely to be found by people (managers?)wanting to find out more about autism.

    Under Social Communication, the first thing mentioned is "have difficulty understanding gestures, facial expressions or tone of voice".

    Two things strike me about that. There's nothing here or elsewhere about having difficulty making the right gestures, facial expressions and using the right tone of voice. That is just as important but NAS still seems blissfully unaware that it is a two-way phenomena.

    Secondly it looks familiar as under Social Imagination we find "the subtle messages that can be put across by facial expressions and body language are missed".

    Exactly how does that differ? And why is there nothing about generating the right facial expressions or body language?

    Back to Social Communication, a lot of these things follow on from the first: "have difficulty knowing where to start or end a conversation and choosing topics to talk about" (which turns up again under social interaction - on social skills - start an inappropriate conversation).

    Think for a moment. If you are missing social cues - gestures, body language, tone of voice, you aren't going to find it easy to initiate or end conversation.

    Then "Use complex words and phrases, but may not fully understand what they mean" - is that accurate? Sophisticated vocabularly is common but is there no understanding of it? Is there confusion here with echolalia?

    Then comes the classic: "be very literal in what they say and have difficulty understanding jokes, metaphors or sarcasm" may be confused by expressions like "that's cool". Well if you aren't attuned to social cues, and you don't get much practice at social intercourse, you may be easily caught out by double meanings, but to what degree are people on the spectrum totally incapable of understanding them, as compared to just a bit slow grasping them?

    On Social Imagination - struggle to make and maintain friendships - well with all the foregoing you would expect that...but is this an absolute? Is it always the case?

    "Find other people unpredictable and confusing" - how far is that dependent on not reading social cues? Social isolation. And is this a definition of everybody?

    "Become withdrawn and seem uninterested in other people, appearing almost aloof" Again if you cannot do and use the social cues - body language, gestures, facial expression - you are likely to appear detached and out of it. Likewise "behave in what may seem an inappropriate manner".

    The problem is that these are statements about autism behaviour on a website viewed by the public. That is what the public expect to see from us?

    It is not difficult to understand the reactions Aspiedancer has encountered, such as other people expecting her to try to socialise, and not make excuses.

    Aspiedancer's manager's issues are with where she sits in a room, seeming to be playing safe, not getting out of her comfort zone, being pushed to socialise more.....

    What's not being understood here? Where are these things in the triad? And is she showing obvious traits like understanding gestures, difficulty starting conversation, being too literal, using complex words without understanding their meaning, struggling to make friendships, having a lower range of imagination which can be pursued rigidly and repetitively etc etc.

    I do wonder if NAS really understands autism?

Reply

  • I thought I should expand on this business of the Triad.

    I took the second page of NAS on What is Autism? - where they give illustrations of each of the three aspects of the Triad. Now this defines more marked autism. In such situations people may largely be governed by carers and family around them, and less so the wider world. What about people who are better able to go about in the real world - to what point is this explanation valid?

    Granted this is different from the definitions used for employment, but these definitions are more likely to be found by people (managers?)wanting to find out more about autism.

    Under Social Communication, the first thing mentioned is "have difficulty understanding gestures, facial expressions or tone of voice".

    Two things strike me about that. There's nothing here or elsewhere about having difficulty making the right gestures, facial expressions and using the right tone of voice. That is just as important but NAS still seems blissfully unaware that it is a two-way phenomena.

    Secondly it looks familiar as under Social Imagination we find "the subtle messages that can be put across by facial expressions and body language are missed".

    Exactly how does that differ? And why is there nothing about generating the right facial expressions or body language?

    Back to Social Communication, a lot of these things follow on from the first: "have difficulty knowing where to start or end a conversation and choosing topics to talk about" (which turns up again under social interaction - on social skills - start an inappropriate conversation).

    Think for a moment. If you are missing social cues - gestures, body language, tone of voice, you aren't going to find it easy to initiate or end conversation.

    Then "Use complex words and phrases, but may not fully understand what they mean" - is that accurate? Sophisticated vocabularly is common but is there no understanding of it? Is there confusion here with echolalia?

    Then comes the classic: "be very literal in what they say and have difficulty understanding jokes, metaphors or sarcasm" may be confused by expressions like "that's cool". Well if you aren't attuned to social cues, and you don't get much practice at social intercourse, you may be easily caught out by double meanings, but to what degree are people on the spectrum totally incapable of understanding them, as compared to just a bit slow grasping them?

    On Social Imagination - struggle to make and maintain friendships - well with all the foregoing you would expect that...but is this an absolute? Is it always the case?

    "Find other people unpredictable and confusing" - how far is that dependent on not reading social cues? Social isolation. And is this a definition of everybody?

    "Become withdrawn and seem uninterested in other people, appearing almost aloof" Again if you cannot do and use the social cues - body language, gestures, facial expression - you are likely to appear detached and out of it. Likewise "behave in what may seem an inappropriate manner".

    The problem is that these are statements about autism behaviour on a website viewed by the public. That is what the public expect to see from us?

    It is not difficult to understand the reactions Aspiedancer has encountered, such as other people expecting her to try to socialise, and not make excuses.

    Aspiedancer's manager's issues are with where she sits in a room, seeming to be playing safe, not getting out of her comfort zone, being pushed to socialise more.....

    What's not being understood here? Where are these things in the triad? And is she showing obvious traits like understanding gestures, difficulty starting conversation, being too literal, using complex words without understanding their meaning, struggling to make friendships, having a lower range of imagination which can be pursued rigidly and repetitively etc etc.

    I do wonder if NAS really understands autism?

Children
No Data