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Being a parent

Dasp

I'm undiagnosed but sure I fit somewhere around the Aspergers part of the spectrum. I am the parent of a 6 year old girl... and find parenthood damned difficult at times! I know many neurotypical parents would say the same, but I particularly find myself having difficulty with "finding my own space" around an often demanding 6 year old! My partner tells me I need to find ways of "doing my own thing" around our daughter, but we don't have a big house, I spend most of my non-work time at home... and sometimes just being around my daughter and her mother for more than short periods of time feels very claustrophobic... which then makes me feel guilty! I know I take the stress this causes out on them at times, which isn't fair on them and not good for me...

Can anyone out there relate to and advise on this?

Parents

  • A recent development is PEDANTICISM. I write this in block capitals, because of the degree of frustration it causes! Latest example:

    This morning my daughter asked me why I washed my hair in the morning. Simple answer: "I don't wash it; I just make it wet to stick it down."

    But there are numerous points of frustration which preclude the simple answer:

    1. If I take more than a second or two to answer, she will come at me with, "Answer me, then!" or similar - then if I don't stay super calm and clear in my response, this will lead to an argument - chance of spiralling exacerbated by the fact that I find it hard to get my words out when I am stressed. (This happened this morning, but I just about managed to bring it back.)

    2. When I eventually got out the (super calm and clear) words, "I don't wash it; I just make it wet," my daughter said, "It's the same thing, Daddy!" - to which I responded (or tried to), "But I don't mean to wash it." - upon which she starts going on about how I am not answering her and sarcastically remarking that I "accidentally" washed it.

    3. Feeling my stress levels rising, but also empathising with my daughter's pedanticism, as I know I can be pedantic, but being the adult, I take a deep breath, walk away and say firmly, "It doesn't matter; please just get dressed" (or something along those lines) - upon which my daughter follows me, continues to go on and declares she won't get dressed - then I have to physically lead her back to her bedroom, close the door and quickly walk away, ignoring any further shouting, crying, etc... Thankfully then she started getting dressed.

    4. All this has, of course, raised my stress levels to the point that my heart is racing and I start doing the things I do when I am stressed - biting lips and inner cheek, etc. And then I have to stop myself getting stressed about getting stressed - what it's doing to my blood pressure, etc.

    5. When my daughter is eventually dressed, I have brushed her hair and myself and her mother are telling her to get shoes and coat on, I (mistakenly, I now admit - should've just left it!) tell daughter she needs to look up the word, "pedantic" - upon which daughter's mother says to me, "But you are also pedantic!" - or something along those lines. And then there's a bit of an argument between partner and I about saying things like this in front of daughter, reducing daughter's respect for me, etc - resulting in leaving house in a bad mood.

    All from daughter asking me why I "wash" my hair in the morning!

Reply

  • A recent development is PEDANTICISM. I write this in block capitals, because of the degree of frustration it causes! Latest example:

    This morning my daughter asked me why I washed my hair in the morning. Simple answer: "I don't wash it; I just make it wet to stick it down."

    But there are numerous points of frustration which preclude the simple answer:

    1. If I take more than a second or two to answer, she will come at me with, "Answer me, then!" or similar - then if I don't stay super calm and clear in my response, this will lead to an argument - chance of spiralling exacerbated by the fact that I find it hard to get my words out when I am stressed. (This happened this morning, but I just about managed to bring it back.)

    2. When I eventually got out the (super calm and clear) words, "I don't wash it; I just make it wet," my daughter said, "It's the same thing, Daddy!" - to which I responded (or tried to), "But I don't mean to wash it." - upon which she starts going on about how I am not answering her and sarcastically remarking that I "accidentally" washed it.

    3. Feeling my stress levels rising, but also empathising with my daughter's pedanticism, as I know I can be pedantic, but being the adult, I take a deep breath, walk away and say firmly, "It doesn't matter; please just get dressed" (or something along those lines) - upon which my daughter follows me, continues to go on and declares she won't get dressed - then I have to physically lead her back to her bedroom, close the door and quickly walk away, ignoring any further shouting, crying, etc... Thankfully then she started getting dressed.

    4. All this has, of course, raised my stress levels to the point that my heart is racing and I start doing the things I do when I am stressed - biting lips and inner cheek, etc. And then I have to stop myself getting stressed about getting stressed - what it's doing to my blood pressure, etc.

    5. When my daughter is eventually dressed, I have brushed her hair and myself and her mother are telling her to get shoes and coat on, I (mistakenly, I now admit - should've just left it!) tell daughter she needs to look up the word, "pedantic" - upon which daughter's mother says to me, "But you are also pedantic!" - or something along those lines. And then there's a bit of an argument between partner and I about saying things like this in front of daughter, reducing daughter's respect for me, etc - resulting in leaving house in a bad mood.

    All from daughter asking me why I "wash" my hair in the morning!

Children
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