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Being a parent

Dasp

I'm undiagnosed but sure I fit somewhere around the Aspergers part of the spectrum. I am the parent of a 6 year old girl... and find parenthood damned difficult at times! I know many neurotypical parents would say the same, but I particularly find myself having difficulty with "finding my own space" around an often demanding 6 year old! My partner tells me I need to find ways of "doing my own thing" around our daughter, but we don't have a big house, I spend most of my non-work time at home... and sometimes just being around my daughter and her mother for more than short periods of time feels very claustrophobic... which then makes me feel guilty! I know I take the stress this causes out on them at times, which isn't fair on them and not good for me...

Can anyone out there relate to and advise on this?

Parents

  • Thanks for sharing, Thoughtful!

    My daughter, who is now 7, has in some ways become easier and in other ways more difficult to be around. She has always been, I reckon, more demanding of attention, than the "average" child, though - which exacerbates my difficulty in coping!

    Our easiest times, for me (and this also applies to spending time with my partner), are when we are doing separate things, together - we have just, for example, been sitting together on the sofa, both on our iPads, doing separate things, but I will occasionally "help" her with what she is doing. Similarly, taking her to the park, when she finds a friend to play with, and I can mostly sit reading or whatever.

    She wanted to do more things *with* me when she was, for example, 3, but now, thankfully, she is more independent. The demanding-ness, however, comes out when she is bored, tired, can't think what to do with herself - and when I am one or more of these things also! She often seems to pick up on my stress, and I react to hers, and those are the worst times - hard to not then let things spiral, ending up in an argument.

    She also has aspie traits herself! Our biggest clashes happen during transitions - getting ready to go out, have a bath, etc. Not always, but potential for big meltdown. I can, of course, empathise with this difficulty, but difficult when faced with it in my daughter...

Reply

  • Thanks for sharing, Thoughtful!

    My daughter, who is now 7, has in some ways become easier and in other ways more difficult to be around. She has always been, I reckon, more demanding of attention, than the "average" child, though - which exacerbates my difficulty in coping!

    Our easiest times, for me (and this also applies to spending time with my partner), are when we are doing separate things, together - we have just, for example, been sitting together on the sofa, both on our iPads, doing separate things, but I will occasionally "help" her with what she is doing. Similarly, taking her to the park, when she finds a friend to play with, and I can mostly sit reading or whatever.

    She wanted to do more things *with* me when she was, for example, 3, but now, thankfully, she is more independent. The demanding-ness, however, comes out when she is bored, tired, can't think what to do with herself - and when I am one or more of these things also! She often seems to pick up on my stress, and I react to hers, and those are the worst times - hard to not then let things spiral, ending up in an argument.

    She also has aspie traits herself! Our biggest clashes happen during transitions - getting ready to go out, have a bath, etc. Not always, but potential for big meltdown. I can, of course, empathise with this difficulty, but difficult when faced with it in my daughter...

Children
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