Being a parent

Hi Dasp,

I can totally relate to your post, every word & thank goodness there is someone out there having the same experience. I have a son 3 years and a baby 3 months. I got disagnosed with A.S.C after I struggled with my 1st & it has really helped us to identify why I have difficulties. it also really helps that my family understand now and they make adjustments in there behaviour to help me.

Yes NT's find parenting hard, but it is different for people on the spectrum. I would highly recommend finding out what areas are a problem. For example I have sensitivities to sound. At my diagnosis they said I am at the same point after 5 mins of the baby crying as NT's would be after 4 hours of solid crying, that is how much it affects me. I now wear noise cancelling ear plugs and ear defenders. This helps to prevent meltdowns.

Also, I am learning to regonise when a meltdown is building and tell my partner before I go nuclear, so he knows to let me have a break. This does not always work, as my clingy little monkey follows me wherever I go, sometimes I have had to meltdown infront of him as he won't leave me alone. I know this is distressing for him, as I myself have experienced this as a child (my father undiagnosed Aspie had meltdowns around us) I always thought it was my fault, nobody knew what it was or explained to me. If I have an outburst, afterwards I always talk about it with my son and try to explain that mummy doesn't like noise and needs a break, then she can me fun again' I really hope being able to explain it to him will help lessen the impacts. the other day out of the blue he said 'mummy sometimes you get stressed don't you and you need a break' I hope he is begining to understand. I love my dad to bits by the way, he is fantastic in lots of other areas!

In terms of getting your own space, I know what you mean. we have open plan living space, which is dreadful. I find my bedroom is the best place to recover. It has plain walls and calm colours, soft textures etc. When in the family living area, sometimes I wear my ear defenders and I recommend subscribing to magazines in areas that interest you, I find a quick flick through helps distract me from the stressors & regain my sense of self and become a bit calmer. Maybe find things you enjoy doing together. I love doing puzzles and craft stuff with my little boy, but also have a lot of DVD's that we both like watching, for respite from talking.

I also recommend identifying what areas of mummying you excell at. I for example am very skilled at finding lost things. I survey the room and pick up on the details and find the missing robot toy! Here also is a list by Tony Attwood - qualities that a person with Aspergers brings. As follows:- Reliable, Persistent, Perfectionist, Easily able to identify Errors, Technically able, In possession of a good sense of social justice, Accurate, Attentive to detail, Logical, Concientious, Knowledgable, good researcher, Honest, Likely to thrive on routine and clear expectations. A lot of these attributes make for great a parent. Helpful to know your strengths too!

Good luck!

Hi Dasp,

I can totally relate to your post, every word & thank goodness there is someone out there having the same experience. I have a son 3 years and a baby 3 months. I got disagnosed with A.S.C after I struggled with my 1st & it has really helped us to identify why I have difficulties. it also really helps that my family understand now and they make adjustments in there behaviour to help me.

Yes NT's find parenting hard, but it is different for people on the spectrum. I would highly recommend finding out what areas are a problem. For example I have sensitivities to sound. At my diagnosis they said I am at the same point after 5 mins of the baby crying as NT's would be after 4 hours of solid crying, that is how much it affects me. I now wear noise cancelling ear plugs and ear defenders. This helps to prevent meltdowns.

Also, I am learning to regonise when a meltdown is building and tell my partner before I go nuclear, so he knows to let me have a break. This does not always work, as my clingy little monkey follows me wherever I go, sometimes I have had to meltdown infront of him as he won't leave me alone. I know this is distressing for him, as I myself have experienced this as a child (my father undiagnosed Aspie had meltdowns around us) I always thought it was my fault, nobody knew what it was or explained to me. If I have an outburst, afterwards I always talk about it with my son and try to explain that mummy doesn't like noise and needs a break, then she can me fun again' I really hope being able to explain it to him will help lessen the impacts. the other day out of the blue he said 'mummy sometimes you get stressed don't you and you need a break' I hope he is begining to understand. I love my dad to bits by the way, he is fantastic in lots of other areas!

In terms of getting your own space, I know what you mean. we have open plan living space, which is dreadful. I find my bedroom is the best place to recover. It has plain walls and calm colours, soft textures etc. When in the family living area, sometimes I wear my ear defenders and I recommend subscribing to magazines in areas that interest you, I find a quick flick through helps distract me from the stressors & regain my sense of self and become a bit calmer. Maybe find things you enjoy doing together. I love doing puzzles and craft stuff with my little boy, but also have a lot of DVD's that we both like watching, for respite from talking.

I also recommend identifying what areas of mummying you excell at. I for example am very skilled at finding lost things. I survey the room and pick up on the details and find the missing robot toy! Here also is a list by Tony Attwood - qualities that a person with Aspergers brings. As follows:- Reliable, Persistent, Perfectionist, Easily able to identify Errors, Technically able, In possession of a good sense of social justice, Accurate, Attentive to detail, Logical, Concientious, Knowledgable, good researcher, Honest, Likely to thrive on routine and clear expectations. A lot of these attributes make for great a parent. Helpful to know your strengths too!

Good luck!