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Parent trouble - please help!

PureLight

I am a 39 yo on the spectrum, As well as autism as I have Generalised Anxiety Disorder, Hydrocephalus and Epilepsy.

I am having problems with my parents, mainly my mother. She is currently using me as her personal "samaritan" and sees me as an offload point for her problems and bad news.  She shown no concern to me about any problem that I may be having. She has even said that she doesn't care about me having autism and that I am "old enough to look after myself". I get so many mixed messages from her and now I am starting to feel ill. It is starting to destroy my quality of life.

While I have been as tolerant as I can with her, I am now at breaking point myself. I am now aggressive and exhausted by her constant "demands". Many of her problems are self-created, but she will not seek help other than me.

If I try to tell her to back off, she starts with "oh well we did enough for you when you were younger, (getting diagnosed with autism wasn't one of them though!) so I am expected to "return the favour".

When my mood boils over in her direction and I snap at her, strangely enough she doesn't like it and treats me like I am crazy, ( I am often called names like "Nutty Nelly, or "Freak). She can be really vile when she can't get her own way

My poor dad cops for it as well and gets caught in between me and mum. I am really getting to hate her.

I am getting to the point now where I cannot cope any more. I am on enough tablets already and I am reluctant to go to the doctors for any more.

I am lucky that I have my own flat and live independently but it is only just up the road from her and she is on the phone every day complaining about something.

Please help!

Thanks

Parents

  • Hi and thanks for the replies

    In reation to my mum being on the spectrum, I have thought of it many times. She assures me that there is nothing "wrong" with her and that I am the one with the difficulties(!)

    She does have many traits. A very prominent one at the moment is how to start/keep an approprioate topic of conversation. She often goes into every tiniest detail (even the most embarassing ones) and makes people feel very uncomfortable. If you try to stop her, you get accused of not listening or being insensitive.

    I have tried talking to her and telling her how I feel but how I feel but it doesn't seem to matter to her. It is always a case of "I've got something to say and I am going to say it!" regardless of how the listener, or the person she is talking about feels

    Needless to say she has no friends that she can use as an alternative sounding post.

    A small part of me feels really sorry for her but mostly she makes my blood boil. I am learning the art of putting the phone down on her but I don't like having to do it.

    Most of the time I just want to throw up!!

Reply

  • Hi and thanks for the replies

    In reation to my mum being on the spectrum, I have thought of it many times. She assures me that there is nothing "wrong" with her and that I am the one with the difficulties(!)

    She does have many traits. A very prominent one at the moment is how to start/keep an approprioate topic of conversation. She often goes into every tiniest detail (even the most embarassing ones) and makes people feel very uncomfortable. If you try to stop her, you get accused of not listening or being insensitive.

    I have tried talking to her and telling her how I feel but how I feel but it doesn't seem to matter to her. It is always a case of "I've got something to say and I am going to say it!" regardless of how the listener, or the person she is talking about feels

    Needless to say she has no friends that she can use as an alternative sounding post.

    A small part of me feels really sorry for her but mostly she makes my blood boil. I am learning the art of putting the phone down on her but I don't like having to do it.

    Most of the time I just want to throw up!!

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