Living with a NT

Agreed, great reply Coogybear.

I can't say that I am the same person I was before the diagnosis. Had anyone asked me before diagnosis if I was living behind a mask then I would have said no of course not. After the first interview with a psychologist, the first time in my life when I could talk about how I really am, the coping behaviours fell away and so did that mask that I didn't know I had. It wasn't any sort of conscious decision, more like my body thinking 'Phew we don't have to put all that effort in to doing that anymore, there's another way!".

I wasn't in a relationship at the time but if you are and go through something similar then your partner will notice and may not like the change. Or she may welcome it. In my view a partner's lack of enthusiasm is not a reason to remain uncertain of what you are but everyone must make their own decision about such things.

Wow Coogybear, a very comprehensive reply.

I think I am still coming to terms with if I am indeed a sufferer of ASD but also what it means if I either get a positive diagnosis or adversely a negative.

I suppose what I am trying to say I'm not sure how I feel about much of what you have said, but I will certainly think about it.

Thanks for your reply.

Hi,

  I haven't quite gone through the same process, yet I have a clearer understanding now than I did. Two of my sons were diagnosed years back and I'm ashamed to say I really didn't research that much. (In denial perhaps) I muddled on with some sort of intuitive sense that I understood them and could apply strategies I'd learn't in my youth, which given my ignorance then, was remarkably successful.

Years later, I had a trauma which nearly ended my life, this prompted a referral to have me assessed and It turns out I have ASD also.

In my case, far from being a hinderance, being on the spectrum gave me greater insight into my sons difficulties. Had I of done some research too, I probably would have realized much earlier, that I also had ASD. As it was, I muddled on and probably experienced way more frustration and un-necessary angst than I needed to if i'd armed myself with some knowledge. By that I mean, I could have learned more and therefore been better able to help my sons when encountering gender specific difficulties my boys were going through, that I hadn't experienced or couldn't quite identify with. Gaps in my experience and knowledge if you will.

I'm in my 50's now and clearly a very late diagnosed ASD adult. Having my diagnosis has been a huge relief. Before, I was convinced I was just a poor example of a human-being (Weird, quirky, naive) who struggled to cope as others did. Firstly, I would ask yourself some questions.

• Is knowing important to you? (For most, Knowing is a positive experience, but it does take time to process the information and come to terms with.)
• Will it fundamentally change who you are? (I'm still the same person i was, just a lot more forgiving with myself and of my kids because now I understand.)
• Are you fearful of diagnosis because your son may have it? (I suspect the reason I didn't research Autism was because subconciously, I knew I had it, but wasn't ready to accept that yet.)
• Are you expecting a magic wand to be waved? (In my experience; particularly with Adults, their is no magic wand waved once you learn of your diagnosis. If you have specific needs you may be able to access certain support, but that's about all. In my view the help is internal and comes from knowing that you have the condition. Once you know, you can work toward making the later part of your life; and that of your son's if he is diagnosed, more fulfilling.)
• Are you prepared to use the knowledge of diagnosis positively? (Knowing for me, has opened up a real door of opotunity, in which I can help my sons even more. For them, knowing I too have ASD has brought us closer together. I can research and commune with others with a level of acceptance and desire to share common ground and experiences, without judgement.)
• Are you living with a mask? (Most people who have ASD try to hide it and present themselves as NT in order to 'Fit In'. This is particularly true of ASD Femeles. This is fine in the short term and if you feel it's managable, but can present mental health issues in the long run or if you become too overwhelmed.)

Please keep in mind that if you have ASD, their is no magic switch. You are never going to respond to your kids fully as an NT parent if you have ASD. Diagnosis is unlikely to change that.

I'm sure others here will have different experiences to share about the pros and cons of diagnosis. From my standpoint the decision is a very personal one and should be considered from ones own personal circumstance and for ones own wellbeing.

Diagnosis is only one stage in the process, yet equally important, is what you do with that knowledge. Take your time, consider the options and do what's right for you. My advice would be to focus not solely on the label, but on health and well-being.

Regards

Coogybear xx

Repeat post.

NT - neuro typical. a non ASD sufferer.

NT?