The British stiff upper lip

When I have looked at any questionnaires etc which are designed to give an indication of whether someone is on the spectrum, there are always questions about whether other people tell you that you are rude or insensitive and so on.

I don't find that people make these sort of comments as a rule. They are polite, but tend to walk away, or avoid you, and just let you know they don't much like you by actions rather than words.

I have been reading about asd and emotions and about the idea that we have an on/off switch rather than a dial, for our emotions. I certainly find this description fits me. If I am very upset, I cannot stop myself from crying, even in public places. My temper is volcanic and I just can't stop it in some situations. When happy, I often laugh until I cry and my sides hurt. I am just not very British.

When I have travelled abroad, I have seen men arguing loudly and happily in cafes. Here it seems to be taboo to be heated about anything, we are expected to be rational and calm. The bereaved in other countries cry openly, but if someone sheds more than a quiet, polite tear at a funeral here, they are deemed "out of control and undignified".

This leads me to the question:- Are British people with asd more at a disadvantage than our counterparts from cultures that are more expressive?

Parents
  • Hi Truecolours, as an undiagnosed person, I have blundered through life without the benefit of knowledge or advice. My parents wern't sociable, and my social life was completely separate from my family life, so no one has ever advised me. I have had to work these things out from experience.

    Yes it is a good way of learning, but it is hard to learn some things, when they are the things you don't see. I did not know that there was body language to miss. I would love to sit with a group of people who could say, if I do this, then this is what it means. If I don't know something is there, then I cannot learn about it.

    I am at least learning here that certain behaviours are problematic.

    It would be accutely embarrassing to have someone make excuses for me, but education on both sides, could allieviate a lot of pain. I am in my 60s. Maybe, my life could have been happier.

Reply
  • Hi Truecolours, as an undiagnosed person, I have blundered through life without the benefit of knowledge or advice. My parents wern't sociable, and my social life was completely separate from my family life, so no one has ever advised me. I have had to work these things out from experience.

    Yes it is a good way of learning, but it is hard to learn some things, when they are the things you don't see. I did not know that there was body language to miss. I would love to sit with a group of people who could say, if I do this, then this is what it means. If I don't know something is there, then I cannot learn about it.

    I am at least learning here that certain behaviours are problematic.

    It would be accutely embarrassing to have someone make excuses for me, but education on both sides, could allieviate a lot of pain. I am in my 60s. Maybe, my life could have been happier.

Children
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