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A hatred/fear for mockery

cmerrick

I was verbally bullied a lot in my primary/early to mid secondary school days, and because of being aspergers (though i didn't know at the time) this was often because of my inability to know what was socially appropreate conversation or just generally making an ass of myself in the way that a combination of autism & childhood behaviour can do(so one might argue my own fault).

21 now, but i think i still have a lot of mental hang ups from the house; for a first point, i can't be laughed at, even when it's in good jest among friends, being the subject of collective laugher just makes my blood boil in an instant. likewise, i am to this day incredably left concious about the opinions of others of me, to the extent where the philosophy that has served me best in life is 'tell no one any more than they need to know about me, under any circumstances''. i will not openly discuss my hobbies (including here) with anyone, friends or family, because of the simple fact that what people know can be used to mock you.

this has lead me to some disareements with my partner. who opposingly will cheerfully tell anyone anything she feels is interesting, not to the extent of private conversations, but certainly to the extent of ''chris has been watching [tv show] and is getting quite into it''. Does ANYONE need to know that about me? what possible purpose does that information serve them? to the extent where i find myself getting annoyed with such circumstances.

the main reason i'm posting this hear is because quite frankly i needed to vent and also if anyone has any experience or advice with similar feelings, because i appreciate my feelings are in the wrong.

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  • Thought I'd contribute to this one. 

    People can be cruel, it's human nature. I used to get all the same kind of stuff at school and work and it isn't nice. But you have to remember that just because they laugh or make fun of you, doesn't make them right, or you wrong in any way. It's hard, but you have to ignore it.

    Not everyone will make fun of you. Some may affectionately wind you up, but it isn't meant to hurt you, it means they are comfortable enough around you that they feel they can have fun with you. I used to find this hard, and still do, and try not to let it bother me, because I know they mean no harm, even if it upsets me underneath and makes me question if what they are saying is true. I used to ask my wife after most social events why someone had said something about me, why they were laughing at me etc and she explained the above - I trust her on that one.

    As for your partner, you will make them very unhappy and push them away if you continue like this. People like to share. If he/she is telling someone that you are currently enjoying a show on TV, that's a nice thing. They are telling someone that you are enjoying something. Sure, that person could turn round and say "hey, you've got terrible taste - how can  you like that pile of crap?" but that's just some people. Sod them. If you're enjoying it then that's all that matters, and if you're partner is happy that you're happy, that's important.

    So, as others have said, lighten up a bit and let go of the past. It'll make you ill and very unhappy if you don't.

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  • Thought I'd contribute to this one. 

    People can be cruel, it's human nature. I used to get all the same kind of stuff at school and work and it isn't nice. But you have to remember that just because they laugh or make fun of you, doesn't make them right, or you wrong in any way. It's hard, but you have to ignore it.

    Not everyone will make fun of you. Some may affectionately wind you up, but it isn't meant to hurt you, it means they are comfortable enough around you that they feel they can have fun with you. I used to find this hard, and still do, and try not to let it bother me, because I know they mean no harm, even if it upsets me underneath and makes me question if what they are saying is true. I used to ask my wife after most social events why someone had said something about me, why they were laughing at me etc and she explained the above - I trust her on that one.

    As for your partner, you will make them very unhappy and push them away if you continue like this. People like to share. If he/she is telling someone that you are currently enjoying a show on TV, that's a nice thing. They are telling someone that you are enjoying something. Sure, that person could turn round and say "hey, you've got terrible taste - how can  you like that pile of crap?" but that's just some people. Sod them. If you're enjoying it then that's all that matters, and if you're partner is happy that you're happy, that's important.

    So, as others have said, lighten up a bit and let go of the past. It'll make you ill and very unhappy if you don't.

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