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A hatred/fear for mockery

cmerrick

I was verbally bullied a lot in my primary/early to mid secondary school days, and because of being aspergers (though i didn't know at the time) this was often because of my inability to know what was socially appropreate conversation or just generally making an ass of myself in the way that a combination of autism & childhood behaviour can do(so one might argue my own fault).

21 now, but i think i still have a lot of mental hang ups from the house; for a first point, i can't be laughed at, even when it's in good jest among friends, being the subject of collective laugher just makes my blood boil in an instant. likewise, i am to this day incredably left concious about the opinions of others of me, to the extent where the philosophy that has served me best in life is 'tell no one any more than they need to know about me, under any circumstances''. i will not openly discuss my hobbies (including here) with anyone, friends or family, because of the simple fact that what people know can be used to mock you.

this has lead me to some disareements with my partner. who opposingly will cheerfully tell anyone anything she feels is interesting, not to the extent of private conversations, but certainly to the extent of ''chris has been watching [tv show] and is getting quite into it''. Does ANYONE need to know that about me? what possible purpose does that information serve them? to the extent where i find myself getting annoyed with such circumstances.

the main reason i'm posting this hear is because quite frankly i needed to vent and also if anyone has any experience or advice with similar feelings, because i appreciate my feelings are in the wrong.

Parents

  • Hi cmerrick, I have been laughed at and humiliated by others over the years.

    Two things here. You can take yourself too seriously. If you assume everyone is ridiculing you, you will have a lonely isolated life, as will your partner, if they stay.

    The other is, it takes time to get over the hurt. You have to remember that children amuse themselves at the expense of others and then just forget it. There was probably no underlying malice. If you can let go of the past, forgive them, if you like, because they were just silly kids, you will feel better. They  have very likely forgotten the events anyway. You also need to make sure it doesn't happen in the future.

    When some of my circle realised I had aspergers, they imediately assumed all the stereotypes were true. They started explaining jokes to me, and often laughed at things I said and did. I chose one person, and emailed them about how hurtful it is to be laughed at. I also said that I did understand their joke, I still don't laugh if it's not funny. They have now taken on a protective stance, ant tell off other people who treat me unkindly. They mean well, and are trying to understand. They know I have useful quallities and my apparent rudeness at times is not meant as unkindness by me.

    Try and put your viewpoint across on occasions because if they get to know you, they have something they can like about you. It's hard to like a complete stranger.It is also hard to like someone who appears to dislike you. Try and see yourself through their eyes, they can be defensive too. Above all, keep it light. People seek company to distract from lifes tedium. They may never be close friends, but pleasant aquaintances are an asset in life.

    Let go of the past, build a future.

Reply

  • Hi cmerrick, I have been laughed at and humiliated by others over the years.

    Two things here. You can take yourself too seriously. If you assume everyone is ridiculing you, you will have a lonely isolated life, as will your partner, if they stay.

    The other is, it takes time to get over the hurt. You have to remember that children amuse themselves at the expense of others and then just forget it. There was probably no underlying malice. If you can let go of the past, forgive them, if you like, because they were just silly kids, you will feel better. They  have very likely forgotten the events anyway. You also need to make sure it doesn't happen in the future.

    When some of my circle realised I had aspergers, they imediately assumed all the stereotypes were true. They started explaining jokes to me, and often laughed at things I said and did. I chose one person, and emailed them about how hurtful it is to be laughed at. I also said that I did understand their joke, I still don't laugh if it's not funny. They have now taken on a protective stance, ant tell off other people who treat me unkindly. They mean well, and are trying to understand. They know I have useful quallities and my apparent rudeness at times is not meant as unkindness by me.

    Try and put your viewpoint across on occasions because if they get to know you, they have something they can like about you. It's hard to like a complete stranger.It is also hard to like someone who appears to dislike you. Try and see yourself through their eyes, they can be defensive too. Above all, keep it light. People seek company to distract from lifes tedium. They may never be close friends, but pleasant aquaintances are an asset in life.

    Let go of the past, build a future.

Children
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