Was diagnosed in October and struggling

Hi GemmaC  and welcome to the neighbourhood. Lots of us late-diagnosed folks on here. We are of course all individuals too so have a diversity of experience. Assessment is exhausting and requires us to make ourselves really vulnerable. Diagnosis can bring all sorts of emotions - relief and grief being two often talked about here. And for a number of us, diagnosis came at a time of burnout, or the burnout came soon after.

I was AuDHD diagnosed last year at 59 and then entered a deep burnout. Now out of the other side but it was really tough and isolating for me. Rest is important and a bit of time spent doing things that bring you joy, however simple, may nourish you.

Happy to listen or swap notes if it helps you, and I feel sure others will too. Meanwhile, please be gentle with yourself and know you are not alone.

I see.  Well, what is the worst case scenario?  
Generally speaking people tend to be more focused on their own lives than others, and only regard others in a very simplified manner.  Any mistake you make that you might dwell on for weeks, others will have forgotten within 10 minutes or so.   
So if I were to hazard a guess, the worst case scenario is that most people you suspect may be thinking negative things about you probably aren't thinking about you at all... and might even have forgotten you exist. 
And for the ones that actually are thinking negative thoughts, it most probably isn't due to anything you did but simply their own misunderstandings that they see no reason to correct.
Either way, there isn't much to be done about it.  Most of us have far less control over our own lives than we'd like, and worrying about things you can't control only leads to stress. 

Hi and welcome. I'm in my early 70s and was diagnosed a couple of months ago. Events following my retirement led to a massive burnout that affected me for years. That was a real pain. Diagnosis wasa  relief to me as it explained so many of my failures throughout my life.

Give yourself time. A burnout can last weeks, months or years. It really depends how serious it is and how it affects you. Mine came after years of stress.

The main one was to have a day off in the middle of the week to try to avoid the emotional and physical exhaustion I start to feel through the week. Another is to split my break into 3 parts throughout the day. Other ones are to be able to wear my loops at work, that if the lights get to much I can turn them off or I can be supplied with migraine glasses to wear. The other things I put in place were communication agreements at work, how I prefer to receive information or instructions so I can have time to process and answer. I will also be having monthly check ins with management to check on my wellbeing and if the adjustments are working. I can also ‘tap out’ if I start to feel overwhelmed or panicked and management or floating staff  will cover me whilst I take time out. 

I have been fortunate enough to work in a supportive work environment, but I have always feared what people perceive of me. It’s a horrible trait to have, I wish I didn’t care, but I do and it keeps me up at night sometimes. The main thing I found keeps happening when I tell someone my diagnosis they have said “well we’ve always known/ had my suspicions” which makes me think “what on earth must they have thought about me!”  

I felt nothing special and I don't feel much right now. I only asked the assessor few times if she is sure that it's autism and not something else instead. I was also kind of frustrated that she was not as much interested as i expected her to be, with the documentation I collected- old school certificates, old reports etc. I struggle to recognise what I feel, so it's gonna take time to figure it out. But it's nothing intense. I'm not gonna mask or unmask, I'm so exhausted that the only things I would like to do whole days is only watching videos about space and build with lego blocks. My husband supports me and he did during the process, also took part in it. He was curious, so of course I shared the diagnosis with him. Otherwise noone else from my family is going to know, because they failed me at the worst moment and the only reaction I would expect from them would be a laugh and some stupid comments. 

I'm not open about it at work. Only if the boss asks, I will bring him the report. But the boss is very much uninterested with everything so I doubt he would bother. The only place I announced it openly is here. The big world - from my experience I can say the big world won't understand me with or without diagnosis. That doesn't change much. Plus social media videos make it look less seriously. Once I felt weak and my colleague asked me if I'm ill or something. I told him I'm in diagnostic process. Didn't mention for what. He started laughing and asked me if I'm diagnosing myself with tiktok. I was confused,  I said no, I'm just waiting for blood test results. Then he changed his expression and stopped joking. Yes, the blood test results were also needed for the autism diagnostic process, but its none of his business. This is the reality now unfortunately. 

Yes, I imagine this must be exhausting...

Congratulations for raising two children!

It's helpful to have a supportive employer. I am curious, what kind of reasonable adjustment were you able to put in place?

Fear judgement?   
Everyone is judging everyone and everything around them all the time for purposes of remaining in control of their own life and moderating their interactions with their surroundings.... 
BUT ultimately most of those judgements are inconsequential to anyone else, and as long as they aren't externalised then you would never be aware of them. 

I'm not judging negatively though, if that is your concern.  
At the moment I'm just contemplating the patterns in differing life experiences between male and female autistic folk. 
....  Actually I suppose I'm marginally envious that you still have a job, as per one of your other comments, while I am currently in a state of unemployment and not handling it particularly well. 

Hi there! Nice to meet you.  I’m still processing everything right now so I would just like to share experiences and chat with like minded people who I can be myself around and not having to fear judgement. 

Not sure if I qualify.  I got myself diagnosed when I was at University.  I knew I had "Aspergers", as it was referred to back then, long before but hadn't actually got a formal diagnosis until I went and sought it out for myself at UCL.  It was basically just a formality at that point.   Unfortunately I've since lost the paperwork and I might have to jump through the hoops again to try and regain it. 
But enough justifying myself.  
Do you need help with anything specific?

Hi . Lovely to meet you. Perimenopause made my mask slip and forced me to get a diagnosis. I just couldn’t cope with not knowing anymore even though deep down I already knew. I work full time in a nursery as toddler room leader…. You can see why I’m feeling the burnout! lol. Work has all of sudden become extremely overwhelming and hard to deal with. Since getting my diagnosis, work has been very supportive and reasonable adjustments are being made. However, I just have a feeling that soon I won’t be able to cope much longer. But with a daughter at university and a son at college there is no way I can afford to leave work. X

Hi Gemma,

Sorry to hear you are not in a good place right now. I am 45 and self-identified as autistic a few years ago after an illness that left me struggling with things I could previously handle. I tried to push through but eventually crashed about 3 months ago. I took time off work and things are improving slowly, but it takes time and I am worried that going back to the same life will lead to crashing again... 

Anyway, if you want to talk, I'd be happy to. Best wishes.

Hi! It’s lovely to meet you . Thank you for taking the time to respond to my message. I found reading through my report very validating. For the first time in my life I felt heard. How open have you been about your diagnosis? I have been quite open about it with some family and some people at work. However, I have been struggling. Mainly it’s trying to work out who the real me is as I’m slowly letting myself unmask. I’ve also been going back to my past and finding parts of my life that are now making sense to me. I also feel grief for my younger self. I will be curious to know how you feel once you read your feedback. If it’s not too personal a question, what was your reaction upon receiving your diagnosis? I broke down. I also get occasional feelings of imposter syndrome. I am slowly getting back into some hobbies. I do enjoy watching true crime documentaries, due to burn out I have found that I have lost interest in doing stuff I used to enjoy. 

Hi, GemmaC  welcome to the community. I'm late diagnosed autistic female,  I'm 38, got diagnosed on Thursday 12th of November. So im waiting for my report. I'm overwhelmed with everything around me, getting to an assessment was hard, I wasn't even sure if it ever happens,  because of long waiting times and other obstacles- no involvement from any informant from my childhood, etc. But I managed it. I'm not sure, what now. But I'm happy, that im here. And I wish you also find this place supportive. Do you have any intrest now? I love space, painting pictures with astronomical events and landscapes and lego. Connecting them all I dp comics stories and publish them here.