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Touching, hugging , kissing

Marjorie195

I suspect this may be repetition for many, but how can I politely avoid the hugging and kissing that goes on these days.

I cringe inwardly and sometimes outwardly when people hug and kiss me without consent. I hate it. I go rigid. I have read that some on the spectrum find this sort of thing painful. I just hate it.

I saw a pregnant lady, out, in the summer, wearing a t shirt saying hands off my bump. I would love to have a t shirt saying "hands off me". Looking back, I suspect my parents were on the spectrum, and none of us are touchy feely.

More distant relatives and my husbands family are, but now friends, aquaintances and all and sundry seem to hug and kiss. Weddings and funerals are a nightmare.

I try to put up with their behaviour, but I do cringe and have attracted remarks like "have I got bad breath or something". It makes me uncomfortable, angry and embarrassed. I need a way of telling people politely that this sort of contact is not for me. Urrgghh

Does anyone share this revulsion and if so, how do they deal with it?

Parents

  • I'm beginning to see this as 3 issues.

    1. I have accepted hugs and kisses in the past because it was what other people did, who I saw as more acceptable than myself. I was trying to fit in. I did not know that I was inately different from them and could/should have seen my difference as acceptable to me and something they should accept. I have backed into corner, that I now want to escape from.

    2. What do I do about new people I meet? Well, Electra has a point. I could just back off and say I don't do hugs, with a big smile. I should try it. They may eventually learn not to hug all and sundry and see that people are all different.

    3. If I tollerate hugs/kisses from some and repell others, then some people may take it personnaly. This would affect how I get on with them.

    I will still do some research and try and come up with an alternative, that can be substituted as an acceptable form of greeting.

    This debate has moved me from thinking URRRGHHH, to actually analysing the problem with a view to dealing with it. I may not have fully resolved the issue yet, but there is hope now that I will.

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  • I'm beginning to see this as 3 issues.

    1. I have accepted hugs and kisses in the past because it was what other people did, who I saw as more acceptable than myself. I was trying to fit in. I did not know that I was inately different from them and could/should have seen my difference as acceptable to me and something they should accept. I have backed into corner, that I now want to escape from.

    2. What do I do about new people I meet? Well, Electra has a point. I could just back off and say I don't do hugs, with a big smile. I should try it. They may eventually learn not to hug all and sundry and see that people are all different.

    3. If I tollerate hugs/kisses from some and repell others, then some people may take it personnaly. This would affect how I get on with them.

    I will still do some research and try and come up with an alternative, that can be substituted as an acceptable form of greeting.

    This debate has moved me from thinking URRRGHHH, to actually analysing the problem with a view to dealing with it. I may not have fully resolved the issue yet, but there is hope now that I will.

Children
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