Family Party

Update, I don’t know if anyone is really interested but I’ve decided to go home to Cornwall over the party period. The build up to it has proved too much and led to me having a very rare meltdown. The stress is the reason I haven’t been very active here for a while.

My wife is now fully onboard with us not attending, she and myself are worried about my mental state, she is going to take over and inform my family and try to explain why I struggle with things like functions.

To be honest the whole party thing is accelerating daily, it’s all I hear.  It’s all led to me having some very dark thoughts, this mustn’t continue.

Roy said:

It’s all led to me having some very dark thoughts, this mustn’t continue.

No it mustn't.

Look after yourself Roy.

I'm glad you don't have to suffer the party and that your wife is supportive.

When my mother eventually went into hospital with a fall, and my sister was abusive to me on the phone, I changed my phone number and never saw my mother again and refused to engage with any services with regard to my mother's future.

I had spent years as my mother's carer with no support and with constant verbal abuse from her.

It was honestly a great relief to me when she passed away.

I only ended up speaking to my sister again when she wrote me a letter apologising and there was a crisis with her son.

Sometimes our families are the worst people we know.

B said:

Sometimes our families are the worst people we know.

I do agree with you B. Your experience with your mother and sister could have been describing my experience with a parent and sibling. 

ArchaeC said:

Guilt is destructive so I hope you can set it aside, at least some of the time, to allow yourself to look after yourself first. I agree that it’s a difficult thing to do. 

Thank you and for your kind words.

I'm so sorry about your sibling.

From having been here a few years and having read a lot of stories, it does seem that traumatic upbringings + family conflict as adults are quite common for us.

B said:

Some friends have previously said to me that with the way that my mother and sister have acted towards me that they would have cut them off but I've never been able to do this.

This says so much about your kind and caring nature, and along with your sense of duty, it’s not surprising that guilt rears its head.

Guilt is destructive so I hope you can set it aside, at least some of the time, to allow yourself to look after yourself first. I agree that it’s a difficult thing to do. 

In my case, my sibling was so terrible, people told me not to have contact with them. I needed to hear that as they caused me harm. My psychiatrist at the time was of the same view, so it took away some of the guilt, but sometimes I wonder why I’m as I am and in my situation. That’s not a healthy or constructive way of thinking so I usually move on from thinking that way, but the thoughts reappear now and again. I think it’s important to acknowledge them and then move on.

B said:

Some friends have previously said to me that with the way that my mother and sister have acted towards me that they would have cut them off but I've never been able to do this.

This says so much about your kind and caring nature, and along with your sense of duty, it’s not surprising that guilt rears its head.

Guilt is destructive so I hope you can set it aside, at least some of the time, to allow yourself to look after yourself first. I agree that it’s a difficult thing to do. 

In my case, my sibling was so terrible, people told me not to have contact with them. I needed to hear that as they caused me harm. My psychiatrist at the time was of the same view, so it took away some of the guilt, but sometimes I wonder why I’m as I am and in my situation. That’s not a healthy or constructive way of thinking so I usually move on from thinking that way, but the thoughts reappear now and again. I think it’s important to acknowledge them and then move on.

ArchaeC said:

Guilt is destructive so I hope you can set it aside, at least some of the time, to allow yourself to look after yourself first. I agree that it’s a difficult thing to do. 

Thank you and for your kind words.

I'm so sorry about your sibling.

From having been here a few years and having read a lot of stories, it does seem that traumatic upbringings + family conflict as adults are quite common for us.