Family Party

Update, I don’t know if anyone is really interested but I’ve decided to go home to Cornwall over the party period. The build up to it has proved too much and led to me having a very rare meltdown. The stress is the reason I haven’t been very active here for a while.

My wife is now fully onboard with us not attending, she and myself are worried about my mental state, she is going to take over and inform my family and try to explain why I struggle with things like functions.

To be honest the whole party thing is accelerating daily, it’s all I hear.  It’s all led to me having some very dark thoughts, this mustn’t continue.

Roy said:

It’s all led to me having some very dark thoughts, this mustn’t continue.

No it mustn't.

Look after yourself Roy.

I'm glad you don't have to suffer the party and that your wife is supportive.

When my mother eventually went into hospital with a fall, and my sister was abusive to me on the phone, I changed my phone number and never saw my mother again and refused to engage with any services with regard to my mother's future.

I had spent years as my mother's carer with no support and with constant verbal abuse from her.

It was honestly a great relief to me when she passed away.

I only ended up speaking to my sister again when she wrote me a letter apologising and there was a crisis with her son.

Sometimes our families are the worst people we know.

B said:

Sometimes our families are the worst people we know.

I do agree with you B. Your experience with your mother and sister could have been describing my experience with a parent and sibling. 

Alexa said:

I had to see a therapist in my 30s to help me to partially establish some boundaries,

I am so sorry to read this about you too A.

Abusive mothers, especially emotional and psychological abuse, appear quite 'common' on this forum.

Apart from other undiagnosed mental illnesses, I have thought in recent years that my mother was narcissistic.

Thank goodness we survived, albeit not undamaged.

B said:

Some friends have previously said to me that with the way that my mother and sister have acted towards me that they would have cut them off but I've never been able to do this.

I sympathise. My mother made it clear from when I was about 12 that I wasn't the child she wanted. Virtually everything I said, did or wore was a cause for criticism. I had to see a therapist in my 30s to help me to partially establish some boundaries, but her behaviour continued until she died. At one stage, I visited her GP to tell him not to expect me to take any responsibility for her if my father died first. He had nearly struck her off his list at least once due to her behaviour, so he understood.

B said:

Some friends have previously said to me that with the way that my mother and sister have acted towards me that they would have cut them off but I've never been able to do this.

I sympathise. My mother made it clear from when I was about 12 that I wasn't the child she wanted. Virtually everything I said, did or wore was a cause for criticism. I had to see a therapist in my 30s to help me to partially establish some boundaries, but her behaviour continued until she died. At one stage, I visited her GP to tell him not to expect me to take any responsibility for her if my father died first. He had nearly struck her off his list at least once due to her behaviour, so he understood.

Alexa said:

I had to see a therapist in my 30s to help me to partially establish some boundaries,

I am so sorry to read this about you too A.

Abusive mothers, especially emotional and psychological abuse, appear quite 'common' on this forum.

Apart from other undiagnosed mental illnesses, I have thought in recent years that my mother was narcissistic.

Thank goodness we survived, albeit not undamaged.